My homicidal thoughts

Are really bad today. Im also a skin picker normally and now the site of the blood is satisfying somehow. Im really worried about this. Like a ■■■■■■■ freak. Im also dead again in an afterlife. Voices whispering my birth name. Im trans so this is distressing.

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Its so hard to not cut myself

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I’m sorry. I know that feeling of craving the sight of blood. It can get pretty scary.

As for the homicidal thoughts, are you okay? Are they overwhelming? I usually get homicidal voices and they get really overwhelming really fast.

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Theyre not all my thoughtd someone is making me think them.

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Can you do anything to distract yourself? I don’t remember what they’re called, but they’re are some good free apps to help prevent self harm. I can try to find them if you’re interested.

ETA found it.

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It’s time to call your medical team for sure. Tell them what you told us.

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I talked tomy therapist latw friday and should hear from my pdoc tomorrow. She almost hospitalized me

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Try to stay calm if you can. It’s really good that you are talking to your treatment team. I’ve self harmed before but I never cut, that can really damage you. Nobody wants to see you get hurt. I used to karate chop my arms and bruise them up, no permanent damage.

Have your medicines been changed recently?

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No they havent. Well she upped my anxiety med but i havent picked it up yet

Im pretty sure people want me to cut

I can’t imagine anybody who would want that, unless you mean your voices. Voices seem to want lots of things, but I talked to my psychiatrist a couple days ago and he told me it’s not a good idea to see the voices as real people who want things. He says they’re just the brain firing off language without an external stimulus due to the disease and that I should just treat them like static noise.

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No i mean people in real life like my girlfriend. Im not getting many voices just some whisperings

I hope you feel better @Froge. Are your homicidal thoughts intrusive thoughts or urges you want to act on? If they are urges and you feel that you are struggling with not acting on those urges then please go to the hospital. I know the hospital sucks, but its a lot better than hurting someone. You’re not a monster for having these thoughts, but you do need to seek help. It sounds like you are going to hear from your psychiatrist here pretty soon so that’s good.

As far as the wanting to cut goes, I know that road all too well. Unfortunately I don’t have any advice that doesn’t come off as cliche, and I’ve been fighting the urges to harm myself this week, but the thing that has gotten me to a year and a half free of self harm is just taking it a day at a time. If that seems like too much then take it an hour at a time, or a minute, or a second. If you can get through one second without self harming then you can get through the next.

You have so much worth and you deserve better than to be harmed. If it gets to be too much then please go to the emergency room or text or call a crisis hotline. Do you have any hobby you can do to distract yourself?

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Theyre a mixture of intrusive and i indulge in them but i know i wont act on them. I dont wish to harm another person but i want to see blood. So harming myself seems so logical. But im happy to say i took a shower withut doing it. Thank you for replying

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Everytime i think about harming myaelf someone makes me think “do it” over and over

I also get voices that want me to harm myself. It’s really awful.

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Im not getting voices telling me to hurt myself more like inserted thoughts

Oh, like feeling of hurting yourself inserted to you- I promise you that it’s a delusion/positive symptom.

You are more than your thoughts.

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My voices used to say that I should slay my grandmother. They had a thousand ways to kill someone or commit suicide

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During the time I was working I was so unhappy and I used to hurt myself. I didn’t cut myself. I used to hit or scratch myself. Now I don’t do it very often, but I do it from time to time. I’m trying to learn that I need to love myself more and not to do that kind of things.

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