I'm having some dark thoughts (tw)

DX'd - Sz/SzA
1

So, for the past day or so, I’ve been having some very specific dark thoughts.
I have a small, blue kitchen knife, and I can’t stop thinking about how easy it would be to cut myself with it and rub salt in the wounds.
I haven’t done that in 10 years, but sometimes the urge arises.

This bothers me greatly. It worries me, because I have to use that knife on a daily basis to cook foods and such, and when I hold it in my hand, I start shaking because I’m fighting off the urge to do stuff to myself.

Do I just take some more prn and try to sleep it off? Should I try to distract myself?
The thoughts also come when I’m trying to sleep, and I can’t help but fixate on them until I fall asleep, that can’t be healthy.

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No it doesn’t sound healthy. Did anything change recently ? Like a med dosage or anything ?

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No, nothing of the sorts. I’m very stressed/concerned about money, though, that’s sometimes a trigger

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:’( Im so sorry nova … Really dont know what to say im not sure i can fully appreciate what youre going through

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Do you have camomile tea?

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I think I have some relaxation blends, but nothing that’s purely chamomile

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“Dont worry, God has lots of money” - mother theresa

:slight_smile:

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That should work.

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This doesn’t sound healthy @Pikasaur.
I would call your doctor and tell him how you are feeling.

Self harm is no joke.

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Is there anyone in your medical team that you could call just to tell them that you’re concerned about this ?

In the meantime i’d do what you suggested i.e. take the prn and also distract yourself.

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I’m afraid to call anyone, they’ll probably just tell me to take more prn and distract myself anyways

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Hide that knife and don’t enter the kitchen if you think about it. Edit If or when

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Why are you afraid to call anyone? These people are professionals who are there to help. In fact they’re paid to help.

You definetely shouldn’t be afraid .

All you’re going to do is tell them that you’re concerned.

Give them a call.

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You shouldn’t be afraid to call your treatment team if you need to. That’s what they’re there for. This sounds pretty serious. If you’re feeling like you could act on these thoughts you should get help. I struggle with thoughts like this sometimes and find that distracting myself with music or something sometimes helps. Please take care of yourself @Pikasaur.

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I get these thoughts with myself and family too, but I have OCD so its part of my intrusive thoughts, you should talk to a dr. For now try to distract yourself avoid the kitchen if you can, or buy a new knife do something to take your mind off of it.

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Please don’t hurt you. I love you and certainly would be sad to hear you hurt yourself. It’s great that you’re here talking about this. Maybe that will let some of the steam out of it. Also talking with a therapist can help too. I know there’s a release you get from it. Maybe you can try exercising or something else. Has anything else helped in the past?

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Don’t be afraid to call @Pikasaur, they are there to help you.
Don’t worry.

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thank you :heart:

What usually helps is time, distraction, medication and de-stressing. I can’t get rid of my money stress just yet, but I can turn off the lights and put on a playlist to fall asleep to.

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Hey everyone, thanks for the support yesterday.
I slept for an insanely long time, but I’m still having urges today. If they don’t improve soon, I’ll call my friend.

I think I’m going to call my pnurse and talk to her as well.

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(((hugs))) Keep reaching out honey, and keep talking. You’re doing good. I know it’s hard. I like the idea of calling your pnurse.

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