@anon54386108 it all started when I didn’t go with her to cash her stimulus check…it took her about 12 days to blow it all…but the first time she went gambling she came home and doubled her money…so she gambled again and it set her off three more times until the last time she snuck out and lost it all…anyways…we both know I will probably forgive her if she gambles again, but I really don’t think that’s going to happen now…she is sick, sick , sick and depressed…she hates herself when she gambles…it’s a sad thing really.
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This is a deflection tactic. She’s probably not doing it on purpose, but it happens a lot with addicts. They get caught by the consequences of their actions, and rather than take responsibility, they publicly berate and shame themselves to the person they hurt. Then, rather than being allowed to process their hurt, the person now has the responsibility of making the addict feel better and comforting them. It is NOT a sign that her behavior will change, it is a sign that she doesn’t want you to be mad at her.
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Idk maybe I’m way out of place here. But you and her seem to have the same response to addiction, which is basically, try to hold out through willpower alone, get tired, relapse, then repeat. I think if you guys change your approach to fighting addiction, you could both have a much higher chance of success.
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@Ninjastar thank you for your input and concern…I know there is a lot of members who joined a 12 step program…she already has done that…it didn’t work on her…I tried the 12 step program when I was married…didn’t work either…meetings in my small town would be near impossible to have anyways at this juncture. no, I am going to wean myself off of nicotine using the nicotine gum program, hardly ever drink and I have a mmj license for the weed so that is legit in my mind anyways…it helps with a lot of my problems and I never over buy anymore…my gf on the other hand trusts me finally I believe her that she will let me take care of her…we will be together until death so it will be o k if I control her money…
12 step programs aren’t the only help out there. Just the most widely publicized.
my gf has a tragic past…lots to have inner feelings about…I won’t say what she’s been through but it’s been one life of disappointment and hell until she met me and I finally accepted us after getting more stable…we will be fine…as far as I can see I believe that…I appreciate it…thanks.
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I wish you gf well @jukebox
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thanks bud…we got it under control this time…everyone thinks we need help but we have this down now…she is shamed away from gambling…she will always want to gamble, and I will always want a cigarette…but I beat it on day three now on nicotine gum nonetheless but I am so happy …she’s happy now…it’s alright.
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Hope you guys stay strong and get through it.
Take care.
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Just want to say that it takes lots of addicts and alcoholics many “attempts” before sobriety “sticks”.
Many addicts go in and out of the program for a long while before getting clean for good. Then something clicks and they get a moment of clarity and see what the nature of their addiction is and what it’s doing to your life.
Anyways, I’ll repeat; it takes many attempts before many addicts or alcoholics finally get clean for good. I think it would be rude of me to point out all the rationalizations and textbook addict behavior I see on most of your posts here. I wish you good luck…
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