My doc isn't the same man he used to be

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I say that as a bit of a tongue in cheek statement because I know It’s me who’s done the changing.

But I remember when I got this doc and I thought he was a cold fish, uncaring, distant. When I think back, he looks at the angry young man in front of him and prescribes pills… I don’t take them. He prescribes other pills I take them with whisky and pot. (then complain that they don’t work)

He want’s to talk meds and rehab. I want to talk about kidnappers and how I can save the children. He tries work with me on this and get me to let go of this “delusion” of being tracked. I drag a huge bag of milk cartons in and cover his desk with missing children.

I then begin to think my doc is only “observing” me in mild interest and he’s in it for the money so I calm up and say nothing for a long time. So he prescribes meds and I don’t take them and have drink.

Then I nearly die and get clean and sober. He is more distant and so am I. I begin to see him as a nuisance… “Why do I have to waste my time on this man? He will never listen to me.”
(He probably said that too.)

I signed some paperwork and some release forms and all of a sudden, my parents were in the docs office with me and he was talking to them more. So he prescribed meds and I was forced by my parents to take them.

Then I broke, deflated, flattened and life turned rust brown. Then I took what I was told… I just hit the wall and had no fight left. I just did what I was told to do because there was nothing left in me. I was down and decided not to get up. Sure… bring on the killing pills… maybe I’ll die.

But then my meds got adjusted and I began to get my fight back. Only instead of fighting my meds, my parents and my doc and my therapist, I got shown how to fight this illness.

So I’m still fighting, only I’m fighting the Sz, not the people around me.

My meds got switched up, it was a huge disaster and I told my doc… I really hate this… I want back on Latuda. Please Geodon isn’t working. I hate this med… and the weirdest thing happened… My doc said “Ok, we can switch it back. Just keep track of how your feeling and how much you take OK?”

wait, your listening to me? Since when do you listen to me?

Little by little, the more I try, the harder I work, the more questions I ask, the longer I’m off drugs and don’t drink, the more I don’t miss appointments, go to therapy and work to fight this… the more my doc listens to me. Weird huh? :wink:

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After my horrid experiences with child/adolescent psychiatrists I learnt that they were enemies, I’ve had two docs under adult services, I have a huge amount of respect for both one saw me out of hospital and waited for the effect of it to wear off then we started talking honestly she was the one that knew psychosis was the real story.

My current doctor saw my assessment with my nurse and didn’t think just because I wasn’t responding to atypicals meant I was not psychotic she took a real leap of risk for me thinking of good old dopamine hypothesis and put my on chlorpromazine and it worked! We have honest conversations and she gives wise advice and listens to me on whether I want an increase. I respect her immensely, she’s such a far cry from the docs I saw as enemies.

I’m glad you have found a good doc, that’s stuck with you thick and thin, that you “see” him now for what he is rather than what our world tells us.

Well done J :blush:
Take care,
Meg.

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Very happy for you that you have a great working relationship with your doc! It feels good, doesn’t it?

I’ve had several horrible psychiatrists who wouldn’t listen to me. This was when I first became disabled, didn’t have any insurance, and had to receive treatment from the county mental health system. I didn’t have to pay monetarily, but I feel that I paid with my dignity and suffering.

I saw a different psychiatrist almost every 6 months. And none of them listened to me because I was rather paranoid. In a 3 year period, I went through 8 psychiatrists and literally every atypical AP there was at the time.

Because none of the docs truly listened or respected my opinion, I basically went under treated. That was until I received Medicare and had a choice of who to see.

I quickly left the county program and searched online for the nearest psychiatrist with the best reputation. And boy did I find a good one! Now, I’m listened to. My opinion is not only respected; its sought. My doc actually cares about me. And I credit him for who and what I am today.

It feels so good to have a doctor that has the same goals as you–your wellbeing! I’m so glad you found that!

Blessings,

Anthony

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i am really happy for you.
the more i talk to my therapist the more depressed she looks…and scared of me…oh well.
maybe she will be the one needing the shrink soon…!?!
take care

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That’s an amazing pdoc you have there. Wish I can come across one like yours. The NHS here is a joke.

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I’m so happy for you!! It sounds like you’ve had a revelation! You’ve really come a far way. Pat yourself on the back. I had an awesome doctor. He tried everything and finally recommended ECT, and it worked. He ended up getting a job at the prison so I had to see a new pdoc. I respected her, but I felt like she wasn’t listening to me. At our last session I feel we really had a heart to heart and she was honest with me that she felt I needed someone who was there everyday since she is only there once a week. So now I have a new pdoc I’m seeing in August. The receptionist told me she is really good so we’ll see. :sunny:

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I didn’t know they still put missing children on milk cartons! Interesting!

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I imagine your doctor has had a lot of experience with people who are noncompliant to treatment. He probably feels like there is little he can do to help them when they are this way. Now that you’re cooperating he is more interested because he feels like he can do you some good.

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That was almost 9-10 years ago that I did that. I used to collect them when I was younger… in onset and use them as PROOF that my sis was being stalked by kidnappers. I’ve had this deep delusion/ paranoia problem about kidnappers as far back as I can remember.

I’ve been fighting kidnappers for so long.