Pff, i talked to my ill friend on the phone. I couldnt think well so i was mostly listening. i am still afraid that she will judge me as a bad person. that she will give up to me cause i can be bad in my thoughts… i am less bad then years before but whatever. But i couldnt think, my brain was a pure mess…
and after that, i attacked myself again against my face skin. i clear roughly my face of the skin, i destroy myself like this. but its the only way to release my emotions still. it sucks, i am afraid that ill damage my skin.
whatever, took a klonopin now. i hope ill have more and more better days in the future.
somebody else who had troubles thinking also? i dont find the meds help us me on this. they just give me the terrain to get better but thats all.
i find myself so closed… my emotions are so dead, the positive ones I mean that I ask myself if I have a deep deep depression more than sz… ok, I have sz features but I spent years denigrating myself… maybe I was just dumb to do, once again because of the sz and the intellectual deficits… but whatever. just wanted to say that its very painful to live without an emotional intelligence…
maybe I need to pray one day. I ruin my skin almost every day, it sucks…
and sorry if I lose myself now in every subject. I lost what I had 20 minutes ago, emotions I mean…
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