My delusions are still so bad. I don’t understand how anyone can be social with “delusions” (they feel SO real) as bad as these. Plus I have violent/sexual sensations that are absolutely debilitating. Honestly, it might be shtty, but I like to read other people’s experiences. I’m not really looking for advice. Maybe words of encouragement. I’m so fcking bitter about my disposition. About my life in general.
Thanks.
We all hate our lives sometimes. I’m not thrilled with mine and I’m not thrilled with me. But I can stand it because a few good things happen to me every day and that satisfies me and gives me hope.
I guess if I had a cat it would make me mad if it tore my door apart.
Anyways, probably even the Beatles or the Kennedys or Hugh Hefner were dissatisfied some times: it’s the human condition.
You said “no advice” so I won’t suggest you join an online support group or take some class just for fun or volunteer at a soup kitchen serving food to the homeless who incidentally, probably have worse lives than you and would really appreciate a nice person giving their time to help them.
All can say is “keep on keeping on”. If you hang in there and just keep trying it’s possible things will get better. Researchers are constantly trying to find better, more effective medication and treatment for schizophrenia. They could find something in 5 years, or 2 years or six months, you just never know.
I remember back in the 1980’s when I had been sick for several years and I was discouraged like you and I was suicidal and losing hope I went to coffee with my mom and my future step-dad. I was like 24 or 25 and I was feeling really down and depressed and I felt like giving up. My mom and my step-dad were trying to cheer me up and give me hope and I remember they told me, “Don’t give up, they could come out with new medication any time.” And just a few years later the newer generation of anti-psychotic medication came out with less side-effects and that’s what I’m on right now. They were right!
I’m 59 now, I’ve had schizophrenia since 1980, that’s forty years! But tonight, I’m sitting at my kitchen table, in my apartment I share with this other roommate, and I’m warm, full, and content. Tomorrow I go to my part-time job and I have a car and a little money in the bank. But to get here, I went through some horrendous times with my disease for many years. They say “Time heals all wounds”. Well I outlasted the worst of my disease, I suffered but I just kept on plugging along, plugging along and plugging along. And my reward is today I drove over and visited my sister for a couple hours. On the way back I stopped at the local big electronic store and checked out all the neat stuff they have there. It’s huge and there weren’t many people there and I picked up a couple office supplies and treated myself to a Coke (Lol, OK, if you want to get technical, it was a Dr. Pepper).
And earlier I had a phone appointment with a counselor from the community college, I’m taking a class this winter.
Life goes on, it’s entirely possible that life can get better. I’ve been at some very low points in my life, drug addiction was no picnic but I survived and came out the other end and learned some valuable lessons from getting clean and sober in 1990.
Just keep trying and try new avenues to getting better. Use every resource you can that’s available to you. I wish I could make you happy or solve all your problems but all I can tell you is my own experiences and what I’ve learned. Things actually work out sometimes and just because you’re down and depressed or angry or bitter now doesn’t mean that things won’t get better in the future. I hope I said something that will help you in any way. As for now, I ate my Malt "0 Meal, I drank my milk and I’m ready to relax. I hope things get better for you. See you around the boards!
Been there. Hallucinations of rape, general sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, etc. Along with all kinds of delusions that sucked me in and kept me in a state of almost constant fear. My psychosis was so horrific i developed ptsd from it that I still struggle with to this day. But things got better for me. I’m at a point in my life to where my psychosis doesn’t even play a part in my life anymore, when it used to consume it. I’m doing awesome. So hang in there because things can and do change.
I had the same delusions,now with the medication I’m fine,even better than before having sz
Thanks. All I wanted was to hear others experiences. I have a job, a car and little money too. Which I’m glad I do, but it doesn’t make me feel much better because I still disappoint everyone around me and I’m a broken record. In all aspects. I’m scared every day that I’m not living correctly and I am constantly bothering my mom asking her to tell me that I am ok. It’s hard to get my focus off the negative especially since I drive my mom crazy and I struggle at my job.
Thanks again though for the response. I like to read about other people’s lives, hopefully that isn’t wrong.
Thank you. I really hope they do. Being in fear is not a way to live.
my old cat scratched the wall in my apartment in two places.
Tell your cat to cool it. That’s not cool that he’s tearing your door apart. Teach the cat a lesson. That you can’t keep tearing doors apart.
Tell him it’s okay to take cat naps but not to tear your door apart. That’s a no-no.
What a sweet little angel.
Is he a vampire? He has little teethies. Lol. It would be nice to have a kitty to curl up to and you can read books together.
Too bad my cat would chew the book… Yes, he actually bit my mom this morning 
♂
Kitten at peace.
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