Ok so a lot of you know I’ve been spilling my issues all over this forum, but I am over the initial shock of my side effects and starting to come to terms with what’s happened, I’ve done my upmost so far to make sure this doesn’t happen to other people and I’ve contacted more law firm and had to tell them my most intimate details, with no justice on the horizon. the embrassment, lack of confidence and pain I have to live with now is unbearable. I was brought up in a family that would say " you better make sure you kill me with the first time" and I suppose the others who have suffered side effects can live with them but I ain’t know bitch to rollover and take it, justice may come soon or I’m afraid it becomes war.
My heart yearns to go for forgiveness, but then the burning vengeance which is ultimately intense pain I suppose cries out for some form of justice, or what goes around comes around. But I, especially having recently begun a path of following Buddhism, can and do over ride this fire within with the hope and belief that it all works out in the end? My attitude is come what may, as I was not perfect as a victim, come what may I wish the truth to come to light, all the truth, that they may see, hell that I might gain more understanding of the convoluted nature and moral impasse we’d be at if those who traumatized me (and wish to slander and criminalize me) were to be forced to face the reality, the brutal and the beautiful, nature of my past.
I want to forgive and see justice but it feels like an attempt at my life has been made to a degree of success, it now tearing me up because I don’t know how to react, I’ve reacted in shocked anger to my pdoc and she just want to put me in the system again. I really really don’t know I’m confused and still in a degree of shock that this is happening to people.
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