No mind, no learning, no life. I have trouble knowing I’m not a thing.
I think that sometimes we treat our mothers badly. I know I was often morose with my mother when she was alive.
My problem with mother was that she believed what she wanted to believe, not necessarily what was.
God knows mothers have their imperfections, but our relationship with our mothers is the single most intimate relationship we have in our lives, and when you’re that close to someone you’re likely to see their flaws. Being a mother is a tough job. That isn’t to say that there is no such thing as a bad mother. I’ve seen some doozies in my life.
I haven’t forgiven my mother simply because I’m still trying to understand her. She was mostly withdrawn and, at best, immature even though an older mom.
If you believe that schizophrenia is genetic maybe your mother was fighting demons of her own. Personally, I hope most people will ascribe my faults to mental illness. It can help to judge our parents objectively.
Yes, I’m sure she was sz, but she was too proud and rejected my sz. She was never diagnosed.
Maybe you could look at her with compassion. I’m sure there was much greater stigma for mental illness when she was young.
I would have given her more time but I was saddled with the responsibility of my difficult father. She once said, “If anything happens to your father, it will be your fault.” She obviously felt powerless about him.
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