It was the zyprexa, really… thats why my pdoc tries to lift me a bit with lithium.
If you’re looking for a med that will make life easy then, you’ll have a very long wait…
Life is hard even for normies 
We have to fight, harder than normies, and it’s not easy.
Best wishes
ok, don’t leave me now. But Ill explain you. Without the Zyprexa, I am in my bed with hands on my head, with racing thoughts that I should fight and nothing else in my head. The tv starts to speak me and I am very agitated without the possibility to get up cause my mind is racing with the speed of 1000%. I stop eating and I am going straight to death without this ap. I just cant eat, Its racing in my mind and its very scary, I don’t look like a human being then, its urgent like state. I start taking Zyprexa and I start to get out of my bed and eating but then comes the smashed effect on my spirit and I am still suicidal 24/7… now they put me on lithium to lift my spirit but I still don’t get out and I have these waves of fear only to the idea of going out. What can I do? No other ap didn’t get me out of the bed. Really… what can I do? I cant stop these horrifying meds. I just pray that the lithium will settle down but its not a good sign what I had till now from it.
I guess ill continue trying but I don’t want to live if ill be like I am on Zyprexa. and my mother says that ill never do it. do you had parents like this, nice, no???
Anna it sounds as if the zyprexa helps you?
I don’t know much about lithium I’ve not tried it, i did a google and it says that lithium can help where antidepressants don’t… does it make you feel less depressed?
I take and a-d and i think it helps me, without it i feel like ■■■■.
I know i shouldnt mention the t word, but a therapist might help… please consider it if you have no other options???
Anna, if i saw you outside, i would see you as someone normal. If I talked to you, you would be normal to me. Really, unless you go outside nude or hop skip and jump around, noone will think you are weird
Best wishes
Zyprexa helps on one thing, but it kills me on another, this is my truth, you see? Sorry to took so much of your time. Even my doc said that they gave me too many aps in the past. No, the lithium doesn’t make me depressed, but anxious… Ill see if this will settle down. It relieved my body pains cause I was closed in my body and I had pains… But it made me anxious too. whatever, take care
you can have as much of my time as you like
Anna, you have to decide if the lithium is good or bad overall, if it’s not helping then you can stop it.
You said that zyprexa helps you in some ways, what ways is it bad for you? i don’t understand
The bad in the Zyprexa is that it was putting me more dark thoughts than I had. It was also killing my positive emotions to a point that I wasn’t able to fight against this, even if I was warrior princess you see? 
You can understand I suppose. Its a dope in the end… I was more than flat, I was in physical and emotional pain. i was feeling heavy on it, even my soul was in some sort of heaviness and painful. My doc said that a real schizophrenic wont ever say that his soul hurts, so he supposes some schizoaffective disorder for me.
I think that i should give a bit more time to the lithium. I guess one month and 3 weeks is too soon to tell. I don’t have another many options… But in my illness, i have these strange waves. It all starts from my head, it looks like some sort of dizziness of the mind who goes to my legs and its not nice. i am like floating but its painful. and the meds cant regulate this well i find. Waves, waves, waves… waves of dizziness, waves of fear, waves of some weakeness…
I have many bad symptoms, from the illness and the meds
Yeah the zyprexa reduced my positive emotions
Hey Anna have you ever heard the story of the princess and the pea
Are you sure you’re not like this, if not I’m sorry to mention it
Now you hate me yeah.
Yeah, ive heard about this tale, wow hah
You should have seen me how i get pale outside because of my symptoms and i look like a ghost. but i know that i should overcome my sensibility. I guess the most schizophrenics should learn it too no?
hah, yes, you are hard… whatever
i am just the dumb girl of the forum who always complains, no?
No, I’m sorry.
I think that after so long inside, you should keep going out, even though it’s very hard.
So you’re afraid people will think you’re crazy, is that such a terrible thing? You’re stronger than you know.
You had a long time in isolation, more than most people. Yeah I think if you get out more it will help.
Zyprexa wasn’t a pea you know. I was suffering in silence with it for 2 years. so that’s why my mother preferred me then. but i was more than unhappy. I was in physical and emotional pain. Check this movie, they were giving to the people those kind of meds to keep them docile:
Its really a good movie even without what i told you
Ok, ill continue trying. I know that ill feel guilty when i wont be able to succeed, but ill continue…
No other sz had 15 years in isolation like me? why i am the only dummie for god sake? its unfair and i feel very alone on this, you know… My friends get better, they weren’t ill like me… they get better cause they didn’t lose their social skills. Me, i risk to punch the people outside per moments, how to go out like this?
I don’t mean the zyprexa is the pea, but you are sensitive to little things?? I am terrible yes, I’ll check out your movie.
We need thick skins to live with sz… as 77nick77 once said ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’
Honestly Anna even if a normie was inside for 15 years, they would have a fear of going outside. If you do it more and more, it may become easier…
To answer your question - ‘why are you the only one to live 15 years inside’
It’s because noone else had the choice. Myself and many others would have done that, but there was no option. We didn’t have loving mothers who looked after us
Ok, ill try to look at this like this. But its not so good to be so dependant on your mom. this relationship can be hard. Ok, I understand, we all with this illness made a lot of sacrifices.
I know, 15 years would drive everybody crazy. I am just fed up to want to punch the others outside, it makes me very paranoid, I am close to fainting then.
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Normies feel angry and irritable too yeah… it’s not a big deal (in my opinion.)
So you see my case now. Can you tell how much time it will take me to get my life back if I start to make efforts? Years? it will take years after 15 years of isolation, isn’t it? I didn’t almost talk for the last 8 years too for the info wow…