Hi all.
So I was able to go out today I and I think its the lithium. It was for 10 minutes but I closed myself the last month before this going out. Maybe I have my chances if lithium will work on my fears and my negatives. Should I wait more? I told you, I was sick for the last 15 years, with a strong social withdrawal… Maybe I should be patient this time? 2 months is few to say regarding the fact that I was ill for so long no? this is my hope. I had pains in my heart today outside but it was softer now on the lithium…Maybe ill be more able to fight on it, that’s what I pray for… But I think the Zyprexa will never pull me out of my dig style way of living, I have other issues than the simple sz I find…
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That’s fantastic, Anna! It sounds like it is working for you. Just take advantage of the ability to go out whenever you can, even if it’s only 10 or 5 or 15 minutes. That’s what meds should do - make it possible for you to attempt things, even if they’re still difficult.
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Good job on getting out today! That’s great that you were able to.
It could take more time. It’s hard to say.
The fact that you have been so socially isolated for so many years may be a lot of the reason it’s so tough when you do get out. I’m not sure where you are from and if you have this type of treatment plan available where you live, but a community based treatment plan may be good for you. Do you get counseling?
It is tough for me to be in public also so I can relate there. The past ten or twelve years have been the most difficult for me since I had a may first major breakdown.
Yeah, I guess I lost the habit to go out. Its not nothing 15 years between 4 walls. I am now a bit ragy that I failed so rough on this. I never met anybody who was closed for so many time. am I so alone on this?
Thanks @Rhubot 
Lets see if ill be calm the other days too
No hop, I don’t have counseling. They don’t do it here. I was in a daily center for ill people once but I wasn’t doing nothing the reste of the day plus the same depressed etc cause I was only on this ■■■■■■■ Zyprexa… I still believe that I probably need some other help than this particular ap…
Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you did the best you could under the circumstances. You haven’t been well and haven’t been able to know any different or how to do anything different. Are you or have you been agoraphobic? Like you really didn’t get out ever? I don’t get out a lot most of the time. You definitely aren’t alone on not getting out though.
its just that my whole youth went into so much loneliness and unhappiness that I was closed to an animal in the past more to a human… 
I was agoraphobic, paranoid, anxious, all. I know all this… Maybe I should have been treated earlier, but whatever. I guess it was my fate… Now I am old, I am 35 years old, I start to be old… But I sometimes see the problems of the others as minimal compared to what ive went through. Its not good for me to think like this, but now I have this 
.Maybe I should find a consolation in the fact that others with this mi suffered very badly cause their lives were destroyed… There are mild cases but mine is severe hah 
I was always rejected cause ugly and retarded cause this illness destroyed all this… My mom doesn’t say it often, but she too regrets that I am ill. She knows that I am ill…
There are definitely others that have suffered in similar ways as you. Being stuck between four walls and all.
I tend to avoid situations and people and only go out when someone is with me. There were times I couldn’t leave the house too.
I’m really sorry you suffered like that and are still having such trouble mentally. Keep hanging in there. It takes time sometimes.
I’ve been treated for about ten years for MI. I’ve only just found a combination of meds that helps control my symptoms as much as they are controlled. I’m 36. I don’t think that’s that old.
Keep getting yourself out as much as you can even if it isn’t a lot. It could get easier the more you do it. Every time you try, every time you get out, it’s a huge victory for you. Be proud of yourself.
Keep working with your doctor for the right meds. Try Vraylar maybe when it is available where you are. The lithium does seem to be helping some it seems. Do you agree?
Don’t blame yourself. That won’t do you any favors. Try to let go of the fact you feel you should have been treated earlier if you can. We do what we can do in life and that’s ok.
The more you can forgive yourself and others the better. I know this can be difficult though especially when you aren’t feeling well.
Try not to compare yourself to others if you can avoid it. That kind of thinking could get you down too.
Anna1, just some thoughts I hope help you. Take what you can from it and try what you can when you can. I hope you find more relief soon.
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Thank YOU, hop Since you are on this forum, you always reply to me 
I watch ‘‘The deuce’’ now, I try to distract
Yeah… the problem is that the Zyprexa is killing me in a way and I cant counteract this even if I pay efforts you see? and I want to feel well already, without to wait for vraylar or others who could not work also… abilify made me more paranoid for example, idk. Maybe vraylar can work, idk… its not in my country still. Neither latuda… Lithium is way better than Zyprexa for me for the moment. But the half of the day, I am just numbed by the Zyprexa, in very strange way… Its inhuman, I cant feel pleasure at all on it. In fact, I wrote an email now to my doc if its a good thing to lower my ap now. Ill wait for his answer. That’s all for me for now
The hard parts are many still. My evenings are just marked by what ive missed but this is also a dumb thing to think I guess. My days are marked by the anxiety and the emotional pain but whatever…
what meds are you on Hop?
hugs
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I’m on vraylar (AP)
pristiq and propranonol (anxiety)
ativan as needed but don’t often take for anxiety
Intuniv for concentration
Those are all I take for mental health.
I know a lot of what I said is easier said than done but I thought I’d mention it all so even if any of it can’t help now maybe in the future it can. When anxiety and past regrets creep up I know how difficult it is just to maintain and survive. So I give you props Anna1 you are hanging in there and trying. That’s all you can do sometimes. It does sound like you need an antidepressant/antianxiety med even if it isn’t a traditional one. Good thinking on distracting. I do that too. TV has gotten me through a lot of tough times.
It can take forever for the Lithium to work. It may not work at all. It never did for me.
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yeah, I definitely need something to lift me. Something to deal with my avolition, with my alogia, with my hopelessness and suicidal thinking. I start to think that I was just too low since forever… I was so anxious in the past that I couldn’t show to my mom information from internet. I was impatient, very very anxious to the point that I couldnt talk. Irritable too cause I hate being like this. I hate this kind of disability… I see some progress on the lithium. Maybe an antidepressant would be even better but in the past, they all lifted my fears… maybe I should have waited to pass through the tough period in the start of the beginning of a trt with an ad…
Vraylar is lifting too no? But is it soft too, @Hop3? it sucks to be so much depressed…
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Hop, is there any info when it(vraylar) will come in Bulgaria? I cant find this…
Hi @Anna1
It can take Lithium months before it fully works.
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Now that you went out you have to find something to do that you enjoy out there.
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For those who take the lithium, do you find it a good calming med? a good anxiolytic? I find myself quite impatient and not calm the most of the time, wow. Zyprexa don’t work on this, no…
@zeno, lol, you want too much for the moment… I try to enjoy things like the wind on my face, the snow etc etc. I am still far away to enjoy somebodies company for example, cause I am anxious and paranoid…
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Anna
I read on line that it takes two to three weeks for lithium to work maybe you can mention this to your shrink and tell your shrink that you haven’t found much joy with it. I just going off what I read.
@shellys12, I read the same thing on the net, but you know, its on theory. Ive been sick for very long time plus I guess there is no miracle med for me… I see slight progress on the lithium but I am not ok still. People are different I think, maybe I need more time than others regarding the fact that I remain so many time isolated, alone and sick… Some people who had it bad saw the progress on their meds after months no? …
hugs dear
I’m not sure when vraylar might make it to Bulgaria, but if I find out I will let you know. You could ask your doc they might know.
Vraylar is a bit stimulating. I am on a high dose that makes it a bit softer though.
Maybe you weren’t on the right antidepressant. They are different some of them. It does take time for them to really work too.
Anna I’m stopping lithium I’ve had enough of it I want my old self back
I presume that my fears are not a typical paranoia if an ap didn’t help me till now, is that right? I need mostly calm I find. Then ill be able to think and feel more, better… But my anxiety is bad, I am afraid that the others will have fear from me if I scream by fear outside. I wont scream I guess, I am not so nuts, but I feel like I can do it, I am so nervous outside, that’s all… All this drains my thinking which should be orientated to more ‘‘constructive’’ and positive things wow…
so did you find the lithium anxiolytic people?