My mom passed away about 4 months ago. I loved my mom, she was always there for me through thick and thin. She helped me any way she could after I got sick, for 35 years (and my dad too).
But things did not go smoothly between me and her at the beginning of my disease. We had some serious arguments in the beginning. She pissed me off many times with the way she treated me and my dad had to warn her to stop antagonizing me. Me and my dad had issues too, it got ugly sometimes.
The thing she used to do a lot that really bothered me is that whenever I got mad at her, she would say, “Did you take your meds today”? Now that might not sound that bad to people. But the reason it made me mad was because it was said in a condescending manner. It was like I was being treated like a child. That I was invalidated because I had this disease. It irked me because I couldn’t get mad or she would treat me this way even when I was legititimatly mad at something she did.
Well, eventually we got our problems with each other ironed out and after that we had a great relationship. Not perfect. But very good. I miss her. The other day I had a bad morning and I was half-asleep and I picked up my phone to call my mom out of habit and talk to her. Then I realized what I was doing.
You only get one real mom folks, don’t take her for granted. They are gone all too soon and believe me you don’t want to lose your mom and leave anything important unsaid. I got to tell my mom that I loved her before she died and I got to thank her for everything she did for me. I got to talk to her about a lot of things but I feel bad that I left certain things unsaid. I have to live with that guilt even though I know she would not want me to feel guilty. Anyway, have a nice night people and god bless.
Wow dude… that was some genuine stuff… Stirred up a lot of mixed emotions…
I basically have to be financially independent from my mom because we argue about that kind of stuff constantly… she is so cautious… if I even mention the thought of doing something she doesn’t approve up she attacks me like I’ve already done it…
I relate to a lot of this… but I know it’ll be a major ■■■■■■■hole when she is gone. All the efforts… she really was the only one who could have taken care of me through that first break.
I hope to never wind up in that situation again… but really if it weren’t for her… I probably wouldn’t be here.
I lost my mom six years ago. I miss her. I had guilt after she passed too. We didn’t always see eye to eye, I resented her when she didn’t understand me and she could be condescending too. But, she loved me in a way no one else can and I miss that. I really like your posts about your mom. I bet she’d be so proud of you.
I’m sorry today was a rough day. It’s weird how your brain just totally forgets they are gone sometimes. And how there is always something left unsaid, even when you tried your best to tell them everything that was important. You always forget something, or try to pretend it’s not that important.
It took me several years after my dad died before I could admit he had flaws. Once he was gone he just became this perfect, immortal being who never lost his temper and was the best father in the world. But it’s healthier to be able to view them as just people. My dad was a really good dad, but he refused to get my brother help, and totally denied that mental illnesses existed. He raised us to believe that, and so it took me years to finally ask for help. My siblings still aren’t there. It’s good that you are able to see reality. It helps us heal.
