Schizophrenia.com

My mother wished she were somewhere else


#1

It was a look in her eyes. In made me a very guilty child.


#2

well, I guess if she didn’t say it then I don’t think she meant it…I used to do that since sz tend to force you to feel things about people that r not true. mothers always love their children unconditionally no matter what…so don’t feel like that.


#3

i was never meant to be born, my mother was wearing a coil when i was conceived and she basically told me this not long ago, must have wanted it off her chest (to say that i was an accident) she says i was a happy accident but idk, idk why she even told me about it :frowning: makes me feel unwanted and unloved, sucks really :frowning:


#4

Hey Daydreamer,
There is a huge difference between an “accident” and a “mistake”.
The difference being a accident simply means “not planned” rather than “not wanted”.
And a “mistake” means an “accident that one regrets”.
Children don’t ask to be born. Don’t live with guilt.
Live well and make your mom proud.


#5

When I was around 10 years old, my mom got mad at me and my siblings (for some childish mischief we’d gotten into), and she told us all that she never wanted to have kids. That it was an accident. She even told us that she didn’t love our dad at all; that she only married him so he’d take care of us kids.

It was heartbreaking, to hear that as a child.

But it got worse. When I was 14, my mom left us on thanksgiving day. She left while we were still sleeping. And completely disappeared. No calls, no letters. Nothing.

So I can relate to what you’re feeling to some extent. And I’m very sorry you had to go through that.

Blessings,

Anthony


#6

I am so sorry you family was dissolved like that. I couldn’t imagine living through that sort of pain. You are a very strong person to work to get away from the family home and become a nurse and do all the stuff you’ve done.

My parents never said I was a mistake. I was a surprise. I was born 4 months after my parents were married.

But my parents had 4 more kids after me and they are still together. I never doubted that my Mom would stick with all of us through thick or thin. She’s a fighter. I did think my Dad had his eye on the door a few times in life. But he’s managed to pull himself through his problems as well.


#7

Thanks for the kind words, J. That means a lot.

It was a difficult time for all of my family. But it brought us together. And it taught me how to take care of people in need. Which ultimately influenced my decision to become a nurse.

I forgot to mention that my mom also had schizophrenia. But she refused to take medication for it. Because of this, she couldn’t function well as a mother. Even as a stay-at-home mom.

I used to envy people who have moms like yours. The kind that you KNOW you can depend on, in rain or shine. You’re very lucky to have such a loving family.

But I’m sure you know that already :slight_smile:

Blessings,

Anthony


#8

tbh i dont think my mum likes me very much, she has never really shown me any love, not that i remember anyway, my mum was always the baddy and my dad was the goody, it was weird growing up, she never kissed me on the cheek or anything and the dinners were awful, she did blow my nose once though and stopped me picking my nose and there was a time when she took me swimming a couple of times but all the rest of the time i was getting into trouble, i wasnt that bad tho. she always looks at me disappointingly like i have done something wrong.


#9

You might be surprised daydreamer, not all people are outwardly affectionate and can show love the way a child needs.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn to show affection, and some times, it’s because of negative touching in peoples past that they just never get comfortable being “touchy feely” in the present.
You may find in time your perception of your mom wasn’t what you thought.


#10

Wow radmedtech, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. No child should have to go through that. It can scar you for life if you take it at face value.
Maybe your mom was really trying to do the best she knew how, but when you throw in SZ to an already difficult job, …maybe she did all she could…I hope you can find peace with this…life can very hard for people.


#11

thx summer, before i was diagnosed people use to say ‘you take after your father’ then i got unwell and they said i was more like my mother and i hated that :frowning: now they say i am more like my fathere again so i guess something must have changed.

dont get me wrong i still love my mother very much even tho she can be very cold but when i look for a gf i make sure she is nothing like my mum, i know its sad but its true

p.s. i tried to post this message last week on my iphone but it didnt work :frowning: so i am re-posting it now x


#12

This is weird because for me, it’s just the opposite. When I’m lucid and stable people say I’m just like my Mom, when I’m not doing so well people tell me I’m just like my Dad.

The one that scares me a little is when people tell me “Heck James, your kid sis is more like you everyday.” I don’t know what to think about that one.


#13

lol, you must have a good mum

and you seem like a good role model for your sister as well as long as you are not wrecking her pianos lol


#14

Looking back on the fate of the old piano, I can enjoy the humor of it now. The new one got a good tuning from a guy who knows what he’s doing and the difference is amazing. It sounds great. :smile: