Mom says she won't visit me if i move to assisted living

she asked me why I would want to live in assisted living? I said, meals are prepared, have a place to live with activities, and I don’t have to drive. somebody on staff would drive me to appts.

in Indiana you have to get a disability waiver for certain Medicaid assisted living facilities. im thinking it would be hard for to get into one, they would probably say im better off where I am. anyways im considering it. not this year but maybe next.

the advantages of staying here are I can garden, lift weights, and be close to family and a friend

the disadvantages is I live in a commuter community with poor roads and im being pressured to go back to work or school. which at the moment I really don’t want to do.

anyways I told her she would get over her grudge and visit me if I moved into assisted living.


I think your mom wants more for you in life. That’s why she’s angry. She’s hurt.


yeah they say I should have higher goals for myself but I give up.

if I could get into a decent assisted living facility somewhere where I could go for walks I would consider it. living here isn’t so bad though either.

at the moment im thinking maybe I will live here until mom and dad die and then move to assisted living, later in life.

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Assisted living is for people who can’t live independently. Not people who just don’t want to. You won’t qualify for a facility, based on what you say about your life. There are limited beds, long waitlists, and not a lot of resources.


haha she called me a sloth when I told her my reasoning.

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well if I can’t drive I can’t live independently in a commuter community. at the least I would have to have a case worker drive me to the grocery and to dr appts.

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Having a caseworker drive you to places is much more practical than living in a residential facility. I don’t know what you’re picturing, but they’re not exactly five star resorts with lush gardens, loads of activities, all patient, kind staff, and loads of friends to talk to. They’re generally underfunded, understaffed, and have limited resources. Many of the staff are just burnt out and don’t care anymore. Many of them have frequent infestations. And you definitely won’t be eating your super healthy, balanced meals that you’re used to. These are places people go when they don’t have other options. If it was the way you’re picturing it, everyone would want to live there.


From reading your posts, you seem fairly independent and well adjusted. You have a lot of things going for you. Sometimes you get burnt out by life and feel you need a break and resort to something simpler. But that feeling never lasts and you’ll want to get back on your feet and do things again after a few days of taking a break. I think your life now has a lot of value.


very kind words @anon62973308 thank you

@ninjastar yeah that’s kind of a reality check. was just feeling like giving up lately.


Another thing to think about is not being able to do what you want, when you want. No loud music, even if it isn’t really loud. No coming and going as you please. You’re giving control of your life over to others. And if you get kicked out, that would suck to get a new home again.


Plus all the moving ■■■■, people stealing your stuff, and having to let go of valuable stuff.


@Lifer, you don’t want to go to an assisted living center.
Many of them are horrible places to live.

You are young and have a full life ahead of you.

Like @ninjastar said, get a case worker to help you.
This is what I have, they can be very helpful.


thank you all for the input. im feeling much better and less interested in pursuing assisted living. when I think about it, I got it pretty good here. I just don’t like to drive, that’s really the only negative of living here. I can’t remember the last time I just took a drive somewhere spontaneously, it’s been a few years now. I only rarely drive to the grocery and to dr. appts when no one else can take me. my caseworker is taking me to get my shot on the 25th and she also said she could take me grocery shopping sometime. but im not sure if she will do it weekly, I think her schedule fills up pretty quickly. that’s my only trouble. am thinking of giving up my license already.

So basically you are capable but you want a Butler , a chauffeur, and a chef. :joy::joy:
One can dream one can dream.


Don’t give up y our license. Think about it. Even though you don’t want to drive pften, you have the luxury of being able to choose to drive. It’s no fun going without one.


haha yeah I thought it might be nice.

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I really can’t afford to drive though either. all my money goes to rent and food. soon I may qualify for some additional ssi on top of my ssdi. then I may have enough to cover gas.

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Oh if you hate driving, someone recently made some open source software/hardware for newer model toyota Prius tss, and hondas. 2017 or 2018.
Costs about 800 bucks

You still have to sit in driver seat as fully autonomous driving is still not legal but it will drive for you steering brake and gas.


Wait. You have people drive you around but don’t give them money for gas in return? Oh brother. Also, it’s 2019. There’s Uber, Lyft, Instacart, Postmates, Amazon, Amazon Fresh, Blue Apron, HelloFresh, and countless other ways you can get around or get groceries.

no I don’t pay anybody to drive me around. but thanks for your concern.

the only people that drive me around are my parents, sometimes to the grocery store about once a week. and then my caseworker who is paid by Medicaid, drives me to appts. sometimes. most of my time is here. I don’t feel bad about it and nothing you say will make me think less of myself.

I do pay rent to my parents. do you? just wondering miss.

they got plenty of money don’t worry about them.