For lack of better terms im just going to refer to mh three “me’s”
When i first noticed them, i tried to let them integrate into me, but they were unstable and i resolved to be rid of them.
In my initial efforts, one was frightened and hurt, and i had allowed him to persist out of guilt as a contributing member on the grounds that he not try to actually manage anything physically or emotionally (hes childish and emotionally unstable, he never grew up with me) and hes been fairly well behaved ever since. The other almost took over and ruined me and ever since she was put in the same position as the other of not being able to act on her emotions or let them affect me personally or physically shes been growing angry and frustrated with me. This was all well and good and we were getting along and figuring things out and then one day they both just disappeared and i can’t get them back. its possible they integrated back into me and are hiding themselves but i feel like id know. Theyre just gone. I had finally started to get along with them and work as a unit. Each contributed to the extent that i allowed them to speak up and communicate their desires etc, but they were only allowed to speak as separate entities, never force their perspectives into mine or act on them. Only i was allowed to put their ideas into any kind ot action. And now that theyre gone im realizing how much i relied on them. She was tough as nails and took no ■■■■ from anyone and i learned how to manage a lot of situations. He was innocent and naive but kind and he kept me from being cynical and mean.
Does anyone else miss their voices or have any techniques to get them back
I dont take meds and i dont do drugs or drink. I manage most of my relatively mild symptoms without issue, but without them its been difficult to see things from varied perspectives and i tend to react impulsively to negative triggers. I just miss them. Every once in a while i can tell shes somewhere in there and she’s upset with me but shes not “there” its like a shadow of her.
Be careful sweetie. Those bad ones can have you trusting too much. Once you put your faith in the idea that your voices can offer assistance you may open the door for something worse. It is not easy being a schizophrenic and it is even worse to have good and kind voices in my opinion because kindness breaks down walls we really need to leave up and strengthen when possible.
There’s a reason why a lot of schizophrenics wait to be diagnosed or we stop taking our meds. We like our voices and meds take them away but they’re not good for anything most days.
But all of thats true of other people. Anyone can turn on you. But we dont close people out just because of the potential to be hurt by them. (At least not in healthy relationships) They were never critical or hurtful. If anything they relied on me for emotional support in most situations. But they were my teammates too. We were all one. Theres a lot of precedent for the potential for a healthy dynamic with voices.
I noted today then when i tried to find and communicate with her she didnt want anything to do with it. She just yelled a lot of “not today” type things. He came first but shes been like his guide when i dont want to deal with his instability, keeping him calm. So maybe theyre linked now with her at the top, which would explain why i cant hear anything from him, shes keeping him in check. Hes easier to bring back and shes at a point of deep connection with him anyway (a sort of mother/child dynamic) so if he came shed have to soon.
I remember when I had good voices one day they stopped and I smoked a cigg to get them back but kept on smoking ciggs then they turned evil and I want nothing more then to make them go away
I understand.
My voices are almost gone, very weak.
I can tell they’re frustrated with me, and they’re trying all sorts of things to get my attention, but I can barely hear them.
I kind of miss their guidance.