Feel like I’m missing out on the gusto of life. Still grieving my previous life, which was full of dreams, aspirations and music was magic to me.
I used to be a loving person. My cousin once told me that love is a made up concept, I was psychotic at the time and that statement has really affected me. Now when I tell someone I love something, I feel insecure when saying it. I used to think my cousin was right, and that love was a lie.
I should talk to him about it really.
I’d say your cousin is a smart fella. 
What makes you say that? Lol
If U think missing out in love is missing out in life, then love is probably just a concept to U.
There’s more to life than just love.
I think my cousin meant romantic love isn’t real. Which I can understand. But familial love? Love for abstract things like music? Or food
To me love wasn’t a concept it was just imbued in me from the start
I get that. My last manic episode i had 1000% passion for anything I was doing. Now that i know half of it wasnt really even real it sucked out all the passion and enjoyment from those things. The hopes and dreams and trust in reality was destroyed.
Its like an existential crisis. Now i have to rebuild my identity and stuff once again.
Sucks but gotta do it.
You could do it my bipolar homie!
Tbh I sometimes think that my love for music was amplified by psychosis. I would listen to a song and then imagine random scenarios like dj’ing to a crowd of people I know. Maladaptive daydreaming really. It was an escape from reality. I was dancing to high energy songs in my kitchen in the dark.
Now I can’t daydream at all, and music doesn’t sway me as much. Sucks eggs
Yeah 100% psychosis made me think i could play any tuning on my guitar, any rhythm and play it perfect. It sounded incredible to me. But when i recorded it, it sounds nothing like what i would hear. I would just hallucinate perfect harmonies.
That was pretty dissapointing to find out.
I did play some cool stuff. But in reality im pretty mediocre at guitar lol
Ideally you should be loving your life.
Wow, I see you encountered dissolution with all the things you did and believed in. Thats hard man. I’m going through the same thing too.
Well I feel I’m back in reality but scarred from psychosis. I used to believe in too many things, thinking when the sun shined it was of significance, seeing hidden messages in body language, myex gf/ Dad communicating to me through objects in my house.
I just believed it all. Once I got medicated it all stopped. And now I’m in that state of weariness.
Progress is possible
Also that thing about hallucinating perfect harmonies reminded me of when I was listening to the birds singing while heavily psychotic and thinking how amazing the intricate details of their chirping was. It was like I was on LSD
I am in a really similar situation to you. I used to be in love with life, travel and photography. But when i developed paychosis every time that i felt love for someone or something the voices told me that i was killing that person or stealing thier soul. Now i feel insecure when i would normally feel loving
Yeah sounds like we had similar hallucinations/delusion with music.
I think one thing for us to remember is that music is still good. Birds singing are still good. Its still okay to sing or listen to tunes and it doesnt have to be extremely amazing either.
Just finding that acceptance and normality is what im trying to get back to.
My friend was talking about his mushroom trips the other month. Meanwhile i was a week out of the psych ward and still manic lol.
He was talking about how he saw all these geometric shapes.
I saw the same things, 3D geometry non stop for like a month.
I was explaining to him why i never do drugs because ive already been on involuntary “acid trips” for months and wouldnt wish it on anyone lol.
Makes me think that my own brain was just releasing the same chemicals that hallucinogens could do or something.
Yep, in love with life. The thrill of travelling somewhere new, being in the moment, romance, being with friends and feeling the vibe, friend telling you a funny story. I’ve lost it all. I just feel insecure and just existing as a husk not knowing what to do.
How long have you been on meds for? Its terrible that voices put horrible ideas in your head about your friends. My voices wanted to hurt me too. They convinced me that I was hollow, without a soul. I thought everyone hated me, or wanted to end my life.
It was a hell of a year. But now that we’re stable, maybe we can learn to love again?
I totally disagree. Love is essential to human beings and is very real.
Romantic love isn’t essential but it is great to have, and is definitely real.
Music was literally my life, even when I was psychotic. But now its just kind of nice. Not mindblowing like how I used to find it. Thats what I’m trying to get back, but it may be futile.
Somethings in the way…
Nirvana lol
Good song lol. You will find a way back to it one day.
Haha yeah man thats how it felt to me as well. I felt like I was on a spiritual journey and the voices/ghosts were myguides on helping me uncover something about me. I was even talking to trees with my mind.
Its a shame, I’ve always wanted to try Shrooms but only for their healing purposes but I don’t think I could handle it after the hell I’d been through. So I do get you