my voices have been tormenting me criticizing me and the sad part of it is…much of it is true. the main one appeared to indirectly say on twitter that a retarded person could handle money better than I could and would be better suited for treasurer of the state I live in. I had a few days where I figured they were not real and it was like thousands of pounds were lifted off of me but now I’m not so sure. they just mocked me now calling me “Oppressive Nightmare”. basically what that means is that I often have nightmares about me getting my clock cleaned by the main voice who can shape shift. you read that right. I don’t know about in real life but it makes me wonder. it’s also a play on Oppressive Whitey which was an archetype I thought I stood for when I was having a psychotic/delusional episode. not only was I oppressive whitey I was “The Man” aka THE oppressive Whitey" one also said “Oppressive whitemare.” they have said these words before.
I am just so miserable. I went to a program today but these voices do not like it when I have other things to do but think about or talk about/to them.
its crazy because my friend believes they’re demons. they claim to be working with the intelligence agencies. they sound like both to me actually. the main one seems to be a hermaphrodite. most of the people closest to me believe they’re not real. i’m lost. I quite frankly hardly know what or who to trust anymore. I mean, even the websites with conspiracy theories I used to believe in wholeheartedly I’ve now come to realize have been taken over by disinfo agents or always were to begin with.
never knew I would go this far down the rabbit hole.
have no therapist at the moment. it’s been hell this entire year pretty much and I went off my meds for a while but now I am back on. luckily my brother is a therapist. he lives in another state but I talk with him when I can. I am doing all I can think of. I’m going to a program during the day, I have over 100 stores online at cafepress.com and elsewhere, I talk with friends and relatives, see my dad everyday and go to my clinic once or twice a week.
I just have to keep going. Problem is are these voices real? and if they are are they even human? they claim they want to slowly kill me. I feel like I know “too much” sometimes.