Miscellaneous. haven't ranted for a while

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has anyone ever been in a toxic relationship, but it never mattered because you loved them?
and then one day, after a typical argument between you two, you just feel different?
maybe you have the ‘we’re breaking up, take all your ■■■■ and go’ (even though the millions of times before, it never lasted)
so you take all your ■■■■, and you leave.
and one day, you just never went back. he’s sending you messages, a week after it happened, expecting you to cave just like any other time, and you don’t.
it doesn’t even feel that hard. it’s been about a week and a half, i cried last night. i told him no when he asked me to come over. i haven’t cried much before then. i just feel different. i don’t wanna talk to him really. and when i do, i just feel annoyed.
a lot of weird emotions are running through me. last night i had a lot of motivation to start something and i got very far into it. i plan to finish tonight.
sometimes i hear things. voices? eh. no conversation and no full sentences. i hear noises and phrases or words. that’s about it. not often.
reading my mind? still i have crazy things happen that just make no sense. people ask me about my thoughts and i hate it.
the other day, an old friend texted me. yesterday it was actually. i hadn’t talked to her for a while. well not even 5 minutes later after she texted me. mom asked me about her. out of no where. like yeah ok.
couple weeks back when i was still with matts i was singing some britney spears song ‘oh baby baby, how was i supppsed to know that something wasn’t right yeah?’ (i don’t even listen to that kind of music, not sure why it was in my head.) i was in the other room and matt was in his brothers. in my head i’m singing this and out of nowhere i hear matt say ‘oh baby baby!’ and it scared me.
i get kind of paranoid at work. depends whose in the store but some people just SCARE me i sometimes feel like people were sent in to check up on me. i know it’s crazy, because i’m not that important. right?..

i work at a truck stop so we have cabins and a motel and rv parking and stuff and one of the guy who lives in the cabins half ass works for us, and i think he’s sz. i’m not sure. he talks real slow and is dirty. sometimes he walks around with pee stained pants. i feel bad for him. i think i might get him something for christmas. he’s such a huge sweetheart.
sorry for my on and on rambling. it’s all really pointless. if you read it all kudos

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I’ve been in a relationship like that. Then one day, I’d had enough and just like that I emotionally separated/detached myself from him. Kicked him out within the week. Then couple days later it hit me or caught up with me what had happened and my emotions came forward. I felt the same way when I gave up having a relationship with my mom. Then it hit me weeks later and I was devastated by the loss but unwilling to cave and let her toxicity back in. Isn’t it weird how now that he is gone you have all this energy to do stuff? Did he used to sap it all away like my ex did?

As to the Britney Spears music he may have heard you thru the walls and was singing back to you, just a thought.

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i think so. it’s such a euphoric burst of energy since i’ve been home… kind of like mania but not really. my decision making is still ok, i got paid friday and still have over $200 left out of like 4 something. idunno if that’s considered good. well, actually it is. because i put $100 away to save up… :blush: and i made a car payment

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aside from my own personal uses. haha

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I’m glad you were able to walk away. That takes a lot of courage.

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Yeah, life is pretty weird.

But the alternative to life doesn’t appeal to me anymore.

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I think you’ve taken a step in the right direction. Don’t let a guy like that push you around.

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You have done well walking away from it, and if he was using your cash, that’s just wrong. The worst relationship I was in I was in a mess mentally and it was only making me worse, we fought all the time, could not even have a romantic evening without fighting over something, When I met her I told myself 100 times not to call but i did, there is something about a person that gets your blood boiling and in a weird way it can attract you to them.

Anyways your young, enjoy life, no need for the one’s that use you.

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