I feel like I am toxic in some situations. Are there any situations where you feel like you are toxic?
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Sometimes I delude that I am spreading some illness.
Relationship-wise, I feel bad that my friends have to deal with me sometimes and have lost friends after episodes of sorts. Luckily, my very close friends understand and are very helpful. I hope Iām not toxic to them.
P.S. I re-read this and realized that you might not be asking literally. I take things literally sometimes at firstā¦
I feel like Iāve been poisoned.
As for the spreading illness part, I have sucked people into my delusions before and feel guilty about that. I donāt want to wind up as some evil cult leader.
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I donāt want to drag anybody down, I have to make an effort not too.
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Does that Even Exist (???) ,
e(Y)e am Aware of Mephistopheles ā¦ ,
but a Cult (?) ,
e(Y)e Would L.O.V.E. to Read About Some āevilā Cultishness ā¦ ,
(as long as animals and such isnāt being sacrificed) ā¦ ā¦ ā¦
iām a bleep-hole. iām well aware of this. i meet toxic people. i think they mistake my disdain for my fellow human being for aloofness or my desire to get to know them as anything other than passing the time. You know, the ānever too much honestyā crowd.
āI really love ā ā ā ā ā ā ā you and youāre a good conversationalist, but I just canāt shake the sense that youāre somehow beneath me despite respecting you.ā
āI feel that youāre beneath me too.ā
āWould you like me to get the all-good cat?ā
Iām pretty tolerant of other peopleās foibles, but one thing I really hate is people who donāt have the right to know me from Adam being intensely judgemental about me. I want to shout at them, āGet the ā ā ā ā out of my life!ā
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Yeah Iāve done some pretty horrible things both while psychotic and stable. Stable is where things get bad because things just slowly change into toxic situations and that have no way out. While being psychotic, pretty much anything I do is a warning sign for people to gtfo like thereās a bomb.
Iāve left a trail of bad and broken relationships behind me. Iāve got a bit of ālearned helplessnessā when it comes to managing relationships now.
Boy do I ever have that, especially when it comes to relationships.
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I think I frequently get that thing going on when I try too hard to be a good person, and then it makes me into a really toxic person when people donāt return the kindness and I am become bitter as all hell. Gives me the impression that itās better to be mildly toxic, than fake nice which inevitably results in being super toxic. Or something.
Assertive would probably be best, still working on that.
I used to think I was like Rogue from X-Men, now I like to identify with Jean Grey 
Iām a child inside I know, jugde away
I used to believe that I affected people close to me and brought ruin to them. I still struggle with that. I worried about getting married, but so far my husbandās ok. I think partly I lack the ability to help and advise people to the extent Iād like and so when they naturally go through tough times I take personal responsibility if Iām not able to help them more.
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calm down. please. i wasnāt talking about you. iām well aware i donāt know you.
@ChestRockwell you make me feel toxic for stalking my ex wife with your exposing pictures of you in negligeā I wish you would leave this site and never come backā¦
There are times I feel very toxicā¦ when I look back on life and think about the type of person I wasā¦ the things I did to my familyā¦ the things I did to my friendsā¦ the drugsā¦ the stupid anticsā¦ the resistance to meds or ANY sort of helpā¦ it makes me feel like I poisoned them.
But turning that around is part of the healing process. Forgiving myselfā¦ and working on not being the man I was beforeā¦
chief, she never told me to stop sending that stuff. i swear that i honestly think she likes the attention you give her when she tells you about it. and she probably likes the attention she got from me by getting the pictures. iāll tell you what. iāll write her a nice apology with a promise never to send lascivious pictures ever again. if i were you, i wouldnāt bring it up with her till she mentions it and pay attention to her reaction because youāre either making something out of nothing ā meaning it doesnāt bother her ā or sheās trying to provoke an emotional reaction from you.
I do that too. I am usually very circumspect around people, and I start to expect them to be just as circumspect with me. It ruins the chance for a good relationship.
I think it also increases the chances that people will treat you like crap. Has always happened to me in the work place. I am too passive and try to be too helpful, and people see that as a free-for-all sign. Then I wind up hating all of them. So that is one sort of situation where just being assertive would be better.
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@ChestRockwell listen, bubā¦ofcourse she didnāt tell you she didnāt want to see the picturesā¦you idiotā¦youāre a real twisted little dudeā¦and I hope you leave this siteā¦