In fact, the critic is toxic.
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The mind is a hostile place , especially when it goes wrong.
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Now my MI voice is saying “Oh don’t be dramatic. Your brain isn’t any more critical than others.” So yeah, she’s a ■■■■■. 
Woo yeah preach. I can be so so nasty to myself. I hold myself to completely unrealistic standards and constantly expect myself to be this perfect human being and then beat myself to a pulp when I inevitably fail to meet those standards. I am aware of this tendency of mine and yet I still fall into it each and every time. 
Strangely enough I was not this way until I “met God” during my first major psychotic episode all those years ago. My parents never demanded perfection from me and were always very accepting and proud of me so long as I tried my best. “God” was so unbelievably perfect, so good, I became obsessed with trying to be like him. I wanted desperately to please him and felt the only way I could was to be as perfect as him. How insane is that? To try to reach godly levels of perfection?
The even crazier thing was “God” never demanded perfection of me either and loved me just the way I was. Never scolded me for my self perceived failures or mistakes. And yet I would feel like I had failed him. I described it once like God is this light that is so bright he causes you to become hyperaware of your own “shadow” (ie flaws). You hate them because you feel they distance you from him. You want to be as close to him as possible and want to not have a shadow at all but I mean, you literally cannot help having a shadow.
Sorry for the rambling crazy talk I dont know if any of that even made sense.
Yeah why’s the voice mean so often, what the heck is up with that?
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I’m also mean to my voices. We go back and forth. In real life I’m way nicer. I blame it on my initial study in economics where we were trained to think critically. A critical mind is a ■■■■■. Thank you KU Leuven (my uni).
I like what you said here. So apropos of my life.
Yea I have a kind of perfectionist critic. I say kind of cos the critic is not completely bad. This is only after working on changing the critics voice with daily reasoning. But boy the standards are high imo.
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