Diagnosed with adult-onset schizophrenia shortly after his 24th birthday, the author transitioned from a perceived state of spiritual awakening to grappling with one of the most stigmatized illnesses. Initially, he internalized societal stereotypes, envisioning a future as a marginalized individual. However, with support from family and providers, he re-engaged with school and work, fostering an expectation of normalcy despite early struggles. The author discusses his psychotic episodes, marked by rapture, absurdity, and terror, in light of current neurobiological literature and mechanistic hypotheses such as salience network dysfunction and impaired corollary discharge. Over time, he sought to reconcile these intense memories with scientific understanding to find meaning in his lived experience. As co-chair of the Accelerating Medicines Partnership® Schizophrenia (AMP® SCZ), he advocates for an integrative approach combining scientific inquiry and lived experience. This perspective not only fosters a more accurate comprehension of psychosis but may also enhance research and care.
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What sense can one make of one’s experiences, I wonder, if e.g. one feels tears rolling down the cheeks, yet can hear a family member say “use eye drops because your eyes are too dry”.
This happened to me during an episode. After the episode was tamed, the aforementioned family member couldn’t even remember having the discussion.
So, either 100% false memories on my part, or a very weird interaction between me - aka the psychotic - and people in close proximity, resulting in altered consciousness for all involved.
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In psychosis generally what i was looking for, my mind would find a way to fit the narrative. Or was it what my mind wanted, my mind would find a way to fit its narrative lol
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