I know I’ve been here before, but despite the insistence of doctors, nurses, and my own wife, I’m still resisting the diagnosis. I just don’t qualify, and whilst I empathise with folks at this forum, I find it hard to identify with them. But I am guilty, stuff I cannot undo (nothing illegal, just inmoral). I should be crucified.
I’m both guilty AND schizophrenic.
Sorry to hear that.
Do you take your meds even though you disagree with the diagnosis
Yes, I feel too guilty not to.
Thats good well then you’ll get better, how long have you been diagnosed for?
A year. Late-onset, so I’m guess I’m better used to not being sz. I have been on meds for months now.
They take a long time to fully give results like six months to properly stabilize someone they only start working after six weeks.
Well, I’m stable, but I’m also convinced that my problems are existential in nature rather than psychiatric. Sz is just a convenient, medicalised way out of my guilt.
Existential problems can be dealt with by logo therapy have you tried seeing a psychologist that practices this technique
I was in therapy until last week. The psychologist was of the view that my “psychotic” symptoms needed to be cleared first before her therapy could be effective.
So in their opinion do you still have psychotic symptoms?
well, part of me is convinced that this universe is a demonic simulation with me at the centre
I can see how they would think that is psychotic, but “normal” people also have strange beliefs they are more common than most think. I think we should measure healthy rather by how well an individual functions and their general happiness with life, the weird beliefs are secondary. Have you heard of the hearing voices network?
I don’t hear voices, but I’ve had some visual hallucinations
The hearing voices network deals with voices, hallucinations and delusions, their research is that about 3-10 percent of the population has strange beliefs and that most function normally
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I’ll look into it.
Basically what I am saying is that its normal to have weird beliefs. I still believe everything I experienced during my psychosis was real for example that schizophrenia will be the last illness healed that will be allowed to heaven but that ultimately everyone will go there, but there are layers of people involved with how long we wait. Also that I chose schizophrenia as a life long commitment as a way to live on this planet without a soul as that had been claimed by the devil. My strange belief doesnt prevent me from living my life though and I dont even bother telling my psychiatrist about it because it doesnt bother me in terms of functioning.
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