They’ve been on my mind lately, memories of my preschool days. I remember so much of it it’s a little scary. Playing with those wooden blocks and hotwheel cars and trucks building little cities or taking naps on our mats. Singing and dancing to the ‘I’m a little teapot’ song.
But there’s more, there’s the day I showed up telling everyone to call me Blade. Getting the other kids to play pirates on the little playground out back. Going for a walk in the woods out back and hiding in the bushes with another kid when it was time to go inside…they freaked out, calling our names over and over. There was this girl Alison who always wanted to play pirates with us and I wouldn’t let her because she was a girl. Well she took issue with that and bothered me until I agreed she could play with us. We were to go to separate schools after preschool until late third grade when I transferred to a private school…and there she was. I crushed bad on her for a few years but never knew how to talk to her.
I’ve described these memories to others before and no one could relate…they had either no memory of being four years old or the ones they had were too vague to really put much of a picture of that time together.
I know from what I’ve been told that my preschool teachers had a joke about me regarding my future of taking over the world. They called me the future “leader of the dispossessed” for some reason…whatever that was supposed to mean.
By the time I was 4 my younger brother Jacob was nearly 4 and my brother Jack was just born. I can sort of picture swim lessons. Memories of school was a jumble.
What small pieces of my memory I have left, I can remember being 6. That is when my details fill in a bit more. I do remember swimming because I did so much of it. I was on a city team and a seasonal league. Having two practices a day made me so tired I didn’t feel as hyper.
I was hyper. I would sort of loose control a lot when I was young. I was a hyper guy running amok, and just getting out of control until I’d be physically held and told to breathe slow and calm down and I’d be drenched in sweat.
It would take me hours to calm down. I was told I once ran out of the class room and into the big kids gym of my elementary and it had taken them two hours to find me. The Janitor thought I was sent there to stop disrupting class… he said I was jump roping for the entire two hours.
I didn’t notice girls as being girls until much much later. The girls on our swim team were still just one of the guys. The girls who played rock tag and frisbee and looked for starfish and rock crabs at low tide were also one of the guys.
I remember sitting in my little chair with probably a broken tailbone I never told my parents about. It hurt to sit down. How I really needed to win Drop the Handkerchief… A boy whose brother died - I didn’t grasp completely what death was. But the kids were serious talking about it The girl that got paddled every day - Putting on my coat + boots to go home -
One of my earlier memories is my sister and her friend locking me in this scary dog cage far away in the backyards where nobody could see me and them walking away. I screamed so loud. She ended up getting in a lot of trouble and her friend had to go home, but I was a very sensitive child. I think this was around the time of my first visual hallucination!
Unfortunately, most of my life before my house burned down in 2009 is kind of lost to me. We all talk in terms of “was that before or after the fire?” It doesn’t help that when I was homeless I got two concussions in the span of two weeks. So I guess it’s not surprising I can’t talk right or remember anything.
I had a really nice childhood though, I remember that much. Christmas was always over the top.
I have a ton of memories from preschool, it was one of the happiest times of my life…it was also before my horrible nightmares started. (I think) Mainly I remember preschool being an absolute blast and have all these little memories about different days and things I did and people I played with, and then I have memories of night time, because night time has always been weird for me.
Back then I experienced hardcore hallucinations. I would see and hear things. My hallucinations are incredibly mild compared to what they were back then. But it’s not like any of my hallucinations were scary, they were magical to me and very interesting. I always just liked to observe them. I didn’t really know what was going on.
I remember kindergarten. I remember finger-painting, nap time, playing house, playing in the sandbox. Riding a tricycle around in a painted circular track.
Lol. I started off life great. All the girls used to chase me around the playground.! That’s what they did when they liked you.
I remember after school they would line us up two-by-two in a long line so we could cross the busy street to where our parents waited to pick us up. They had it so we lined up in couples, boys with girls and holding hands. We were 5 years old. I remember I really had a crush on this little Mexican girl. As my dad used to say she,“Was a doll” . I thought she was so cute and I always tried to maneuver so I could just hold her hand. Finally one day my dream came true!! We were matched up. I remember her hand was so soft. And she was in this little cute dress.And she looked so sweet. I was so happy. I think that was my best memory of kindergarten.
Pre school was a peaceful place where I didn’t learn anything. More like day-care. Not that I cared. Come to think of it, all years before 12 were great. I lost a lot of weight when I was taken from public school though, when I was 9 and after. Not chubby, just a healthy weight. Then rib-showing scrawny. Still that way. Migranes, seisures, then schizophrenia. That’s a long word. s c h i z o p h r e n i a dam.
Pretty much all memories past 17 are bad. Before that most days were atleast good. If I was sad, atleast it was an emotion. I almost have no idea what has even happened the last few years. Maybe my memories are self-wiping. Awesome. Please do. Do that. Yay, what’s my name. wut
I went to the Christian Sunday school when I was a little kid. One of my ex-grilfriends said ‘onko sinut kasvatettu pumpulissa’ meaning ‘were you grown in cotton wool’ because I did not drink alcohol, did not party and was not sexually active in my teens.
What I have learnt in my life is that although a person would not know any laws at all, by following the 10 commandments you never get into any trouble, for example smoking, using drugs etc. is against the teachings of Jesus Christ, do not pollute your soul.
Come to think of it, all years before 12 were great. I lost a lot of weight when I was taken from public school though, when I was 9 and after. Not chubby, just a healthy weight. Then rib-showing scrawny. Still that way. Migranes, seisures, then schizophrenia. That’s a long word. s c h i z o p h r e n i a dam.