Maybe you guys can help me figure it out

I’ll get right to the point. I get the feeling I don’t belong where I’m living. I think it is too tough. I live just blocks away from downtown in a large California city. I hate (really, really hate) to admit it but this place scares me. The people scare me. I’m 56 years old. I don’t know what it is, I’ve lived in this general area before in group homes in the past and I’ve NEVER felt this way before. Never.

In fact 37 years ago when I was a very naive 19 years old and I had just gotten diagnosed and I was living in Soteria House which is literally a ten minute walk from here. I was there for a year and I didn’t feel this way. The problem here is not entirely my age though that might be a factor.

And from 1990-95 I lived about a ten minute drive from here in a board & care home on one of the most drug-infested streets in a city off a million people. When lived there I was going to 5 or 6 AA meetings a week which meant walking down the street by myself at night, and either catching a bus or walking 5-10 blocks to meetings and then walking back home at 9:30 or 10:00 pm. I can only recall two or three"incidents" in 5 years.

What is your opinions? Any suggestions or helpful insights. Like I said, I have never felt like this anywhere. Period. And its weird because the people here are not really not frightening most of the time and I have managed to scare a few people who have scared me but most of the time the people here are friendly and I am almost friends with a guy here. I lend him money but hopefully he doesn’t just like me for that reason only. No I sincerely think he is legitimately friendly but who knows anymore. This is really bothering me. I’m torn between my pride telling me that I can hack it here and hold my own and just getting the strong feeling that this place is out of my league.

Any questions? Any answers? I would hate to have to move, in fact, scared or not, i may be stuck here but I want to feel safe and comfortable.

Anyone see the “fresh fish” scene in The Shawshank Redemption? Its the scene where its the first night in the prison for a kind of soft, naive new inmate and everybody deliberately trys to scare him to make him “break” and lose control.The guy keeps crying out, 'I’m not supposed to be here, this is a mistake" Finally he breaks out and starts crying and wailing until the mean guard comes and takes him out of his cell and starts beating him to make him shut up but he beats him so bad that he kills him. Crying never occurred to me but I just can’t figure out the problem here or what my next move is or what I should do.

What’s even weirder is that before I moved in here two months ago I lived just up the street in another group home for 1 1/2 years that is owned by the women who owns this place. The people intimidated me there but I wasn’t scared to live there.

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So where else would you maybe like to live?

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A nicer place. But I may not have a choice. I honestly think that (and I’m figuring this out as I’m writing) that if I just get enough space and time I will figure out this problem. I’m pretty sure of this but I welcome anymore feedback.

Sounds like you’ve had a lot of both good and bad memories where you live. Could be good to leave that behind at your age. Also could be very difficult since you’ve been very accustomed to where you live. Your family is nearby right? I don’t think I will ever leave my family again. That should play a factor in decision imo. Family’s important for us that cherish them and accumulate support through and with them! I know you love your sister nick. And I’m guessing she’s fairly close by?? But it’s up to you in the end where exactly u wanna live as long as it’s plausible. I’m happy I found my neighborhood. It’s not white picket fence everywhere but it’s got a good mix I think of stuff. Teaches u a lot without being very dangerous. Although it is “real”. Not the suburbs but not exactly the inner city. The price is right where I live.

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Anyone and everyone wants to feel comfortable in their home environment. And if they don’t, it does gradually become a problem. Just think of the prank that jerks pull on an OCD person, where they move just one thing in their home or office. It’s terrible. We all need to feel comfortable in our home.

So that leaves the question, is there anything you can do to make yourself feel more comfortable, safe, and secure. If the answer is yes, try it. Try different things. If it keeps going and there’s nothing you can do, then you might start thinking of moving. But get creative and try some ideas first. You know yourself best.

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Good advice @Sunlion. And thanks @Goyankees. I know for sure (I think) that some people like me here and I have no problem with most people here. I just need time and space to adjust. It is just mind boggling to try and figure out why this place intimidates me when I’ve been in worse situations before with no problems. Oh well, life is weird.

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