A reprieve, time to rest up and regroup. Either that, or take a nap

[77nick77]

My new place. Last night was not good. When these people think of me they either laugh or spit. I’ve heard conversations where they think of me in my room and it they think of me as less than animal. They talk as if I am some funny, twisted, less than an animal, little weird person. Its very distressing. My sister says ignore it, who cares what they think? But it bothers me.

Last night below my window the worst guy, was clearing his throat repeatedly and spitting in disgust for ten minutes and the others followed suit. No respect at all. So I treated them badly. So I made a disrespectful noise back that surely surprised them and made them quiet. This stuff is kind of funny but on the other hand it is dead serious.

I was thinking that "Heck, I survived Soteria House for a year when I was a lost, naive, psychotic 19 year old. I survived 8 months locked up in a psychiatric hospital at age 20 with a hundred people. There were former homeless people, people who had been in jail and probably prison too. I’ve been in several different psyche wards and group homes. But i don’t feel like I belong here.

But I walked in from work today and the woman who was bugging me gave me a friendly hello and so I guess we are on OK terms like nothing happened. Fine with me, I’m out of here in a month or so. I know at least one person reading this (or maybe more) are going to say something like, “Oh what did they actually REALLY do to insult you? They didn’t actually say anything”. Well sometimes you can tell plenty without talking. I may be delusional and crazy but I’m not delusional and crazy. Sorry for the negativity, some problems just crop up and they spill over as much as I try to handle them productively. But I guess things are cool here now

Now I am cool and iIm going to attack a meatball sub and chase it down with cancer causing diet soda. I will take no prisoners, this sub will soon be history.

[metime]

Peace and love to you. As I was reading your post a particularly fitting Elvis Costello song came up on my mp3 player. I want to get out of the habit of just posting youtube songs, so I’ll tell you the title: This is Hell. It goes with my day too of being shocked in the face with electrodes to test my facial muscles. Sometimes the old Sansa Clip gets it right!

[Esm]

Can u not afford ur own place? U seem more functional than me and even i have my own apartment. And honestly i can’t tell if when u complain about this stuff if these ppl are really being mean to u or not. In cbt they teach if someone u know passes u on the street and don’t aknowledge u doesn’t mean u should assume bad things, a better attitude is maybe they didn’t see me. Maybe u will benefit from CBT.

[77nick77]

I am actually moving into an apartment soon. I got interviewed and accepted for an apartment I would share with another person. its much nicer than this place and in a better neighborhood. It just irks me that I can’t handle this place. I’ was told before I moved in that the people here will try to get one over on you. So my choice was whether to let it happen or not to let them do it. My ego made me make the wrong choice I guess and i tried to fight it. But in many ways i don’t regret my decision.