Schizophrenia.com

M.I. Partners.... an honest pondering


#1

This really is an honest pondering… Due to an upset at my SZ group.

This isn’t meant to be a judgement or any strong opinion, but more like a quandary.

When I read or hear of guys in my SZ group who say that they ONLY want a girl with a mental illness like them…

That makes me feel a bit sad. Because if there was a girl who was lovely, kind and patient… would she really be cast aside because she wasn’t mentally ill?

I think of how hard it is for me to get through my day, how would I help someone who might be sliding into psychosis? I’m determined to stay med compliant, but what if the girl I dated didn’t want anything to do with meds… how would I handle that?

There is a guy in my Sz group who is looking for a girl with lower functioning then he is because as he says… “then he will be the one in control.” That made me scared for any M.I. girl he might get ahold of. Because he’s going in looking for control not for love and support.

There is a girl who has entered my existence, who had a beloved Uncle who was Sz. She is kind and witty and thinks my jokes are funny. She likes to read as much as I do. She’s learning how to surf really fast. She’s seen some of my bad glitch days and didn’t bat an eye. (so far we’re friends with an option for expansion of that definition)

But here’s the thing… She has no mental illness. According to guys in my group, I’m supposed to dump her because how could anyone who’s NOT sz ever be good for me. Thinking of the mentally ill girls I have dated and how they have almost killed me… why would I discard a friend and actively exclude anyone who wasn’t MI?

If you are offered love and friendship… why cast it aside for a label? Why exclude? Why not include?
If love came your way, but the girl or guy was not mentally ill… would you shut the door?

Just a ponder…

:coffee: :coffee: :coffee: :coffee: :coffee: :smoking: :pill:


#2

I seriously love your pondering’s. They make really good points and are things to think about.

Maybe it’s along the same lines as this… To a certain degree we define ourselves compared to other people. I grew up not wanting to be like my sister. Not all of her but things that I saw that I didn’t understand or like. She was into make-up and accessorizing. To me it was like a fake face that she put on to face the world. I didn’t want to be compared so I went the other way. No make-up, no accessorizing. Baggy cloths that hid my body cause I didn’t want that kind of attention that I saw her getting that I looked at as superficial. Right or wrong it helped to shaped me into who I was.

Now I’m older and I have seen behind what I called her fake face and gotten a glimpse of the little girl behind it. Just as insecure as I was but didn’t want to show it anymore then I did. She put on her face and rings, I put on my baggy cloths and hid.

I agree. If love comes your way. Don’t judge it. Grab it.


#3

This reminds me of a small red head lifeguard who puts on one hell of a macho game face. It’s odd because she LOOKS taller and bigger in her lifeguard uniform.

She ALWAYS has her lifeguard whistle on her, even off duty. It’s tucked in her pocket or on a wrist band just under her cuff.

I used to wonder “are you seriously going to make a rescue in the middle of the cafe? What… you think someone is going to drown in the soup?”

But I notice that when she’s scared she will clutch that whistle in her hand and her “lifeguard face” comes out. She gets all lifeguardy and walks over with her lifeguard walk and acts just like she does on the deck of a pool.

Sometimes she holds it as she says, “Swim teachers have to remember that people need to be listened to, not lectured at.” (guided discovery teaching)

That red and white whistle on the black lanyard with the word “lifeguard” on it seems to be what she hides behind. It’s sort of her armor. What she shows the world. They never see the off duty little kid sister curled up on the sofa peeking out from under the blanket.

I guess we all have a game face somewhere.


#4

When I was first diagnosed, I considered dating someone who was mentally ill. Maybe because I thought that no one else would accept me, or be able to handle my diagnosis.

So I started dating a guy with bipolar disorder. He didn’t really care about my illness. We were together for 3 years.

But those years were rough. He had wild mood swings. We’d be laughing one minute, then he be mad all of a sudden.

His mood swings triggered my symptoms a lot. Towards the end of the relationship, I was afraid to even talk to him. I realized that it wasn’t a healthy relationship and we ended it.

So I don’t know if I could handle another mentally ill relationship. It’s just too stressful for me.

Blessings,

Anthony


#5

DO NOT DUMP HER. The fact that she understands your condition and is a friend anyways means she is a keeper. I myself was partners with MI girl, it was horrible. She was psychopathic/sociopathic and Bipolar NOS, always manic. She was reliable tail but she was scary. When I broke it off with her, she got pissed and barraged me with insults, mostly completely invalid arguments (I have an A so far in Elementary Logic, I called BS on her and she gave up). This girl was a med student and told me about torturing animals and enjoying playing with entrails after dissecting human bodies as a med student. She also owned a gun. She was fresh out of a week stay at the local mental hospital, on a tiny little dose of lithium, was given 8mg of xanax a day, but it had no effect on her. She was truly scary, I think I was just desperate.

I have been dating mentally healthy guys lately (except for one who had ADHD and was on the max dose of Vivance, he was basically on speed) and I think I’ve found a keeper, I worked out with a guy yesterday and he said to contact him this afternoon and see if hes available tonight. He’s a student at my school and he’s my type, Im actually a little infatuated right now.

I plan on disclosing my condition only after I have a fairly substantial bond with someone because I am recovered and you would never guess that I in fact still have paranoid schizophrenia, a pretty severe, stereotypical case of it. My meds just cover it up, I like to say that I am a psychiatrist’s wet dream. I came in bonkers and staring out the window, scowling, and my file had evaluation results that basically said “Insane and angry” and now I am conscientious, academic, incredibly fit, and well-medicated.

Mentally ill people do not need to limit themselves to dating other mentally ill people exclusively. Mental illnesses vary quite greatly, one legally insane person is not the same as another, usually. Don’t buy into the people who say to find a more unstable partner so that you have the power in the relationship, that’s ■■■■■■ up and I think that’s sick.

I think what I mean to say is, if you find yourself a friend who holds you well, dont let labels or anything like that interrupt your relationship. Steady as she goes!

Here’s a song by Jack White about your ponderings


#6

Just because someone has a label, it don’t always mean it’s true. Some people just use the label as an excuse, or pretend so they can achieve money later in life, as if the experience pays off because they are better for having had it.

Then the scariest kind are those who aren’t Dx’d because they can’t ever let go of the control factor.
People aren’t always what they seem, and someone who changes themselves for others are eventually going to be disappointed because they aren’t true to themselves.

If you find love but it don’t fit your definition of what your after and you pass it up, then you are crazy. If the label fits…then wear it.


#7

I used to think Id go for a normie, if that’s the word!! but I have to say Id change my mind now. Id personally go for someone who has mental illness as we’d have more in common. Sure all my male friends/associates all have mental illness and I way prefer them. We respect, understand each other and we relate. So, if I was ever to hook up with a girl, Id prefer a mentally ill bird…that’s just my two cents worth!!


#8

I don’t know if I could date a mentally ill guy. I have kids who have beenn through more abuse than anyone should have to handle in a lifetime. They don’t need the added stress of someone who could relapse at any given moment. If I did ever date an m.I. guy I wouldn’t let him move in. My kids come first and they don’t need that ■■■■ in their lives. Although saying that. I wouldn’t let a normie move in either. No one could replace their dad and I wouldn’t put that on them. Sleep over acouple of nights a week sure but not move in. My kids r my top ppriority and they don’t need to b exposed to delusional beliefs and paranoia. They get enough trouble from my voices and their effects. They don’t need it from someone else. I’m trying to keep their lives as stable as possible and a m.I. guy just doesn’t fit into that equation. No offense to any guys but when ur a parent ur kids have to come first.


#9

I’m not necessarily looking for someone with a mental illness, just someone who has an understanding of mental illness and someone who is sensitive and understanding. You don’t need to have a mental illness to have that, like you I’m constantly trying to fight staying out of a full blown psychosis, I vary day to day, some days it’s a fight to leave my bed, I struggle a lot so I’m not able to support someone else doing the same. Not to mention I react a lot to those around me I’d need a healthy, balanced relationship and not one where mental illness is the definition, it just wouldn’t be healthy for me anyway.

I think your friend sounds wonderful and if she’s healthy for you and you enjoy each others company then that’s what matters most, what you want and what makes you happy is the prime factor not what the others around think should make you happy, hope this makes sense, take care,

Meg.


#10

I have written about how I would prefer to be with a MI companion, yes its true. I would never rule out seeing someone who has no MI either. But realistically not too many non SZ people really understand the illness. Not all of them, but I would say the majority of them. I guess I am looking for understanding and compassion. My ex wife had borderline/bipolar and she was not very kind to me or understanding. So I would never rule out being with a non MI person. Its just that I would prefer to be with a stable MI female, who has good qualities


#11

That`s pretty good…


#12

I forgot to thank you for the Jack White song. I was a bit bummed when White Stripes called it quits.

I’m NOT going to put the breaks on a developing friendship with a kind hearted, patient and even plant killing girl due to the opinions of some of the guys in my group. I was just pondering why people limit themselves

AND…

if love did come their way, but not in the preconceived package… would they really turn it away?

Would they really say… yes, you are pretty and kind, and understanding, and you think I’m great and you know how to help me… but your not MI… sorry.

That’s like a kid who wants a labrador puppy with all their heart and a the labrador puppy comes but it’s the wrong color. Would they really say… Um no, I wanted a blond lab not a black one, no thanks.

I had no real criteria other then patience, kindness, open minded, and someone who understands my illness and my humor. Now if I can teach her how to stop killing plants, it will be even more fun.