Living with this

I am trying to wrap my head around everything.
Back in March, I was attacked in my home. I still don’t know who it was. He was in my house and I heard a noise, but I thought it was the cats. Next thing I know someone grabs me from behind and puts a knife to my throat and says"don’t make a sound. Don’t move or I will kill you"
It was awful. When he was done, he took the knife and carved the word “MINE” into my stomach.
Just got a call today from the investigator in charge. He tells me that they’re is nothing suspicious in the phone records and that the DNA results showed an UNIDENTIFIABLE DNA pattern not located in there data bases.
I am just floored right now. I have been trying to get through this as best as possible. The nightmares and flashbacks. The cutting now. Afraid to be alone. Afraid for my children.
I was, at the time, on a lot of medication and I feel like it made me weak and unable to fight back. I got on some other meds and stopped taking a lot of the other ones. My bf hasn’t left my side since all this had happened. He had stayed with me.
Me…I have just become angry all the time. Not with my honey or the kids, but with everyone else. I am getting better. (At dealing with this)
Nothing in the world could prepare me for that phone call. All the counseling and treatment… When he called… my heart hit the floor. I am still thinking… it’s this really happening? Why? Who’s next? Like I am getting paranoid. (Which is totally understandable… so I am told) I don’t like the way I am feeling. Disgusted. Angry. Frustrated. Alone.
I feel like I am not safe. Which is not true, I am safe.
I have been doing so good for so long it seems. Then the world came crashing down on top of me. All these old feelings came back with a rush so powerful they overtook me. I have been floating in this bubble for weeks. Trying to find my way out of the madness in my head. Nothing. Nothing seems to work.
Then the phone call. So apologetic and sympathetic about the situation. I wanted to scream. THIS IS YOUR BEST!!! After what that man did to me…I get a sorry we are still looking.
I have grounded myself with the fact that they had f#$@ed up the crime, I didn’t press charges against the police for what they did, they (thankfully) ran my kit as an emergency(due to the nature of the crime), I have tried to stay calm even after they accused my bf of “stonewalling the investigation” because he didn’t bring up the phone records in time… so frustrating. Now it’s like…I don’t know… They don’t know. What the hell am I supposed to do now? Just wait? I guess that is my only choice really.
Sorry to who ever reads this… I needed to vent. I am just all kinds of screwed up right now. Everything is different. My view has been a skewed. I am making my daughter stay by me at all times. She is autistic. I am so afraid that someone will hurt her. It’s just me being paranoid I know. I know half the things I do now are out of paranoia. I know. I just hurt so much. So badly. Do damn deeply. It Messes with my thought pattern. I just want to cry maybe. Let it all out. Idk. I am fallen…


I am so sorry that that horrible experience happened to you! You’re feelings are completely understandable! I would be shattered.

My prayers are with you and I hope that they find who hurt you!

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I’m so sorry for your suffering.

Please move cities if you can asking domestic violence shelter to influence Section 8 in another town if you can. Smaller towns do not have such a long Section 8 wait…Sometimes a church will assist you with a job to get you out of there…send out resume.

You need to keep the chain on the door when you are home or stick a chair against it…I have seen it running on a few of the stalking and disabled folks boards that someone may have been snooping the house while the occupant was home & asleep. Or, a crazy neighbor walked in through an unlocked door and beat the crap out of the occupant. (Scary but it looks like a lot of this goes unreported when a nut is involved as aggressor…) Normally, local cops will do nothing about trespassing (even if this was threatened and others have complained about this person) until you have photographic evidence. Restraining orders are useless…All the wealthy abusers are well represented by attorneys, they have played the cops so bad the abusers own the police (or a few sick officers) and nothing will happen until it can be proven these guys hurt someone…

Are you aware of these terms? Gang stalking/cause stalking? Please google this so none of the other crazies who deal with the voices by following orders will surprise you…Be aware, the mental care calls this delusional and will refuse to assist…You will see this crap even in the country if you try to move as some of the wealthy abusers want someone in small towns to gang stalk new people (mostly just verbally harass a specific stranger about something private) …So, even the small towns will have a town abuser and sometimes the cops are not okay…Your local domestic violence shelter can probably put you in touch with a support group when you are ready.

Thank you Stillperkin,
He came in through a window i had just opened for the cats. Cut the screen and climbed in. I have been going to counseling. They told me about the victims relocation program. I filled out the paperwork and got the reports…I just haven’t sent them in.
The police think I was targeted.
Just have to wait now. My honey and I talked about the call. He told me not to worry, it’s pretty much procedure.

Get a large protective breed of dog as a puppy so you can raise it to be used to the cats. Contact an attorney maybe one through friends, so he/she can help you with the police. They can hire a private investigator to watch the guy if you get an idea of who he is to build a case. I’m not saying to get a gun first, because the attacker can take it and use it on you. There are probably some martial arts studios that offer self defense classes in your area. If you do more to prevent and prepare, it will help you to calm down.

A long time ago my dad had a client who broke into a house and raped 2 women. He wore a mask, gloves and everything. When the police came they found a set of keys. When they went to the parking lot they clicked it, the guy’s car went “beep beep,” and that’s how they found him guilty… Just “beep beep.”

this has happened to me aswell so iknow what ur going through. i often stay up at night just in case they come back. rest assured the police r doing all they can and i’m sure it’s just a matter of time b4 he’s caught. he obviously has done it before and will do it again. he will make a mistake sooner or later i’m sure. these types with the superiority complex always do as they assume they r smarter than the police, which they never are. good luck to you and i hope u get a result sooner rather than later. xxx

Had a knife held to my throat twice while homeless, one time it was cut.

The time that it was cut i had been commandeered by a group of nasty fellows, they ended up keeping my car, my only shelter. Some guy came over after having my throat cut a bit and began to get in my face about being an irish german native american, had i known he was referring to me i would have wondered how he knew that, but i’ve never been one for nationalism so i had no idea he spied on me and got this information. Funny right, the guy trying to torment me couldn’t get through my immense wall of stupid, i had no idea he was talking about me, i was like “irish german native american? what in the hell is this guy talking about?” He was really up in my face to for awhile.

I spent that night watching the blair witch project because they had popped in the video, they didn’t have cable, there was nothing in there but a couch and a television with vhs. After watching it i sat there all night fighting off suggestions and convincing to hand my car over to them, it wasn’t anyone though, just a voice in my head telling me over and over again to give these poor people my car.

They took my car.

I know what you are going through, exactly what you are going through.

That’s horrible that happened to you…I’m so sorry. What you’re feeling is completely understandable. Do you have an ex that is mad at you or a stalker? What he carved would suggest that. I’m sure the police went over that though. I used to cut too and it’s completely understandable that you’re doing that. One thing that helped me was to use red food dye. You can also have a self care box where you keep notes to yourself that encourage you, reasons why you don’t want to cut, something to comfort you like a stuffed animal, and a rubber band to wear around your wrist and snap. This is the time to do a lot of self care. Do things that are soothing. I was raped as a teen and it’s a horrible experience. It left me feeling guilty, dirty, and shameful. Time heals all. :sunny:

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Wow, that’s like some sicko strait out of X Files or some other shows where they have to look for stalkers that do things like that.
Unfortunately the authorities can put little effort into it without something of a lead.
Make the house more secure for one. the dog idea is another… sounds like weapons would have been useless since it was by surprise, but you could get some pepper spray or something at least

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