I feel like a failure too. Couldn’t go to university, not being able to work, didn’t get licence, didn’t earn money, and had to depend on family to survive. When i did get job, i couldnt cope with it - and it was a casual job not full time. Couldn’t make it in the convent. And now my marriage is failing.
But I’m still alive. Haven’t failed at that - yet
I guess it’s normal to feel like a failure with sz/sza. But it’s not our fault - its the illness
University - no
Job -never
Drive a car - no
F2F friends - no
I only did menial work but boy could I do it well.
It helps to be positive. You do have choice. Do I tolerate these feelings/thoughts or do I strive for better function? It’s a weird thing to say to people but being positive really does help with mental illness.
Like. I don’t compare myself to others although I can compete with them on some levels. I don’t judge myself against others…except for some things…It’s easy to be down but you do some good things around here and a long time contributor to the community. In our worlds that is something you can hang a hat upon.
Do you have sz too?
Maybe it’s at least better to be a failure and have self-honesty about it than to be a failure and not face it
Feeling like a failure is a sign that you have maladaptive core beliefs about yourself as a person.
It’s not abnormal for SZ’s to feel this way.
However, I’d try accepting yourself as a person how you are in the moment, and understand that you need change.
If I was you I’d look for a therapist to talk to. Find one that will let you validate your views of your difficulties as these feelings are important. Then you need to understand that there are skills that can be learned that will help you emerge from your suffering.
There are tools out there to help you get through this.
GL
I feel exactly the same, but im depressed on top of the feeling of failure. Just waiting for the MAO-inhibitor to kick in. Lithium did nothing and neither did electro convulsive therapy.
I like your posts, you are very informed about SZ and the recent research.
In this forum you are far from a failure.
You are not a failure. Sz is a disease that is not ours by choice. You are no more a failure than someone with some other disease that prevents them from participating in society.
Every minded person have a understanding than people that live on different terms than them when it comes to health can’t contribute at the same level they do. And they don’t feel resentful about it. Almost everybody has someone in their family that has some debilitating disease, so I think society has a good understanding about this.
Yet here you are contributing to this community at a regular basis. I think just that alone says something positive about you as a person. It’s not a given for people to do so at all.
It took me almost 15 years to find my courage and get involved with a forum which I did just a few months ago.
@firemonkey My friend you are not a failure. This I say with the utmost respect for you. Since I have been reading I have seen your knowledge and kindness to many here. Therefore you are a first in my opnion to be proclaimed as one of manny FIRST RESPONDER’S within this forum.
you are not a failure for sure but i understand the feeling, i feel like a failure a lot too. When I tell my mum always says i do my best for with what i’m dealing with.
Yeah among many other interesting stuff. Truman syndrome, voice over delusions. Grandiose delusions.
I feel like I am a failure. I don’t know. If it was just this life or one life, I wouldn’t mind, but it keeps on happening like I keep reliving my life like Groundhog day since my schizophrenia for eternity. I tried escaping, stopping it, and stuff, but I keep going back in time and going through the same motions at the mental hospital, riding in the van, etc with other mentally ill folk. Feels like life is a computer or simulation and I see things change slightly due to quantum events, fluctuations, brain cells, and stuff and possibly other people able to change things or due to the butterfly effect, which is ■■■■■■■■ and sucks.
I cannot change my genetics. I never studied biology or anything and as an autstic person, I hate biology because it’s a soft science and kind of elementary compared to the other subjects, I have no interest in it, and hate all that ■■■■ involved. In high school, it was my favorite or best subject, but too easy and I realize that . I’m more interested in chemistry, computers, math, physics, etc. It has to do with my autistic brain and I watched some documentaries on it that people like me aren’t attracted to those soft fields which are more for like females I suppose.
So I never cure my own illness. I felt like I was a doctor or tried to be a doctor in a past life, but other than basic biology, I don’t even know how I got into med school – 99% sure I didn’t graduate – (delusion?) – and not sure how I passed or even took the MCAT because of biology. I remember taking lots of chemistry and ■■■■. Don’t remember any of it. I think I had a CS major background – probably online…I would love to be a doctor but am unorthodox and probably just want the damn schizophrenia cured. I care and want to help people. I know after I learned how to cook in a group home in a past life, I tried being a psychiatrist. Cooking skills lead to independent life and frontal lobe abilities and gave me motivation and drive. I wanted to help people and make money. Furthermore, I was motivated more back then.
I also remember attending a Christian med school but have recall I didn’t do well or was in danger of failing my classes – especially the religious ones. It’s hard when I am so convinced and believe I live in a computer simulation created by God. I even talk to Him and He talks back, so I guess I’m crazy. I even believed in one of my very first lives, I was a surgeon, but then again, I most likely wasn’t. I probably was an investment banker, which is what I was told or felt on the TV in a past life.
I get memories of past lives or recall while dreaming and awake like flashbacks and even being on MARs which is fake and ■■■■■■■■.
I thought about Mars a lot and how they found water or air under the rocks recently in the news – I think if IRC – and how it sort of was like in the book “Total Recall” by PKD – I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or not, but it changes the dynamics of things.
Is this schizophrenia? Autistic mutant powers of cognition and pattern recognition? lol? I don’t know. But I keep being literally reset back in time like a video game to the beginning of my illness. Happened so many times and there’s literally no proof except my story and experiences. I feel like crying a lot of times.
I failed at everything I’ve ever done. Even my apparent successes all turned out to be failures in the long run.
I graduated from beauty school
but I never worked in the field.
I got married.
But he beat and raped me and it ended in divorce.
I graduated from RN College
but I lost my license to practice.
I had a baby boy and raised him to adulthood
but at age 19, he was diagnosed sz and at 30, committed suicide
I composed and produced three contemporary piano and digital piano albums in 2011, 2012, and 2016 and received critical recognition for two of them.
But I didn’t sell more than one handful of CD’s.
I was the star pianist in the 2006 Spring Piano Recital at my studio only four months after starting lessons.
Fourteen years later, in 2020, I am struggling with basic tunes on the piano.
I just make the best of it, but sometimes I do feel like a social outcast. I just hope that one day I will feel better and will be able to do more with my life.
A guy in a wheelchair ain’t a failure because he can’t run a four minute mile.
I had to deal with failure since i was kid. For me its a temporary unpleasant emotion/feeling. I am sure you have successes in your daily life you are not aware of.
Failure is in the eye of the beholder.
We’ve got to understand that we live under different expectations with our illness.
The best thing we can do for ourselves is try our very hardest to maintain normalcy while ultimately pursuing different goals.
It’s all what you make of it.
Interesting indeed. I tried everything you’ve mentioned. Truman, voice over and delusions of grandiose. I met some people with sz but they aren’t so open.
I read somw stories online but some aren’t as severe. But some are really relatable.
Feelings of failure are a symptom of depression. The Beck Depression Inventory lists about 20 beliefs, feelings or sensations that are symptoms of depression.
Every other species is content with survival. Just living everyday with gratitude makes you a success