Living a new life

Getting into a new job makes me feel self conscious. It isnt a good feeling. I get into touch with my reality, that my old life is long gone and I have many disabilities.

I don’t know what kind of memory problems it is. I often lose the sense of continuity. I forget what I have in mind easily. Somehow when I get together with people, I remember everything that happened to me and I feel terrible to have a life like this. I wonder what is the next thing that would happen to me; is there something worst than having sz? that is coming on the way?

I am going through a hard time. I know. New job. New life. I’m mourning over the old life. I have stories. My stories are difficult to tell. I have tears. Too much tears in my life.

I bet you have been under a lot of stress lately. There has been SO much change so quickly in your life. I bet even if you didn’t have SZ, having that much change in anyones life must feel confusing. Give yourself time to heal.

You have the credentials and knowledge. You might not have your exact old life back, but I bet as you get money through this job, you can build yourself back up to use your skills and knowledge in other ways.

Make a new life. There are lots of people who want a new life. It’s normal to miss an old life I bet. You knew where you were going, and you knew what you wanted to be and how to get there… But now it’s all up in the air. I can understand if your nervous and don’t like the uncertainty. I don’t think something worse is coming your way. You’re working so hard at healing. I think things are going to get better for you.

If you do forget what you have in mind easily, is there a way you can write it down? I forget some of my life plans and then I have to go back and read the plan I wrote down. Even these past few months, my plans have changed due to opportunity’s that have happened along this new path.

When I first really started talking to you, your parents were drifting from you and you were scared that you might be homeless. Now your Mom is talking to you and will hold your hand and trying to treat you better and you have this job and you’re eating.

I know you might feel so sad at what might have been. But I’m on the outside of your life looking in and it looks like you are working hard to heal and you will get better.

I’m rooting for you… :smiley:


Please hang in there goggles - you must be under some stress with this new job, its natural and normal to sometimes feel this way in the start. Im sure you will get used to it there soon, give it some time. At home do a lot of tranquil and restful things. :sunny:


When we first started talking, I just walked out of a psychosis and I lost everything again due to delusional spending. My parents found it out and it really got to them. I put mom in great emotional strain. We both feel painful over the lost. My mom appears to be much happier now. I really wish I was never born so that mom and I both don’t need to be through all these.

Mom suggested me to cut down my work days in the shop. The new boss asks me to work for her. But I still need to see if it works. I fear over expectation. The collegue who delegates work duties to me is not friendly at all. I’m in a disadvantaged position.

I remember being a completely different person after I got on meds and started my fall semester last year. I went from being a half-ass, completely symptomatic high-functioning alcoholic schizophrenic who went to class two days a week who worked out and then drank himself to sleep at night to a sober, scholarly (I am an honors student and I go to school for free) fit young man. It was not easy. Stress was a factor, as I take honors classes, and the whole adjustment to having gradually decreasing symptoms and a more stable life was quite uncomfortable at times.

But what you are going through are growing pains. My cousin, who is lucky to be way taller than me and more handsome, had growing pains in his knees, and now he’s tall and handsome. I began powerlifting last summer, and I had growing pains in my whole body, but now I am pretty strong (just not as strong as the experienced lifters at my gym, those guys are mostly elite class, the highest rank).

I had some serious growing pains with diligent studying and strict attendance and hours of reading textbooks last semester, but I made all A’s at the end of the semester, was sober and physically stronger than ever. It was a painful process, but it was worth it.

I believe that what you’re experiencing is normal and healthy. Growing pains mean that you’re growing!

No pain, no gain!

Is the person who delegates the work duties just maybe not a friendly person at all? To anyone? Maybe it has nothing to do with you?

A new job sounds really stressful. But keep at it. And dealing with someone who is difficult is also stressful. You can always look for a new job while you’re at this one, maybe something more to your liking.

Mom said these two persons are the kind of person who would stab u at the back. They are not kind. Mom said both of them were fired by the boss before because of unsatisfactory job performance. But they manage to find their ways to stay. The other colleague who was doing better lost the job instead. I think the chance of me surviving in this environment is very slim. I intend to try but I don’t know what the cost will be.

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I’m sorry you have to deal with these people. It’s not a good thing, but in an odd way, it might be a relief to know that these people just hate everyone and it has nothing to do with you or your SZ.

I hope you manage to hang in there at least long enough to find a job you like. I’m sorry you have to put up with these ugly people.