I don’t know if I can keep living as a SZA. It’s messed up so many of memories and I always ruin special events. I feel suicidal at times and I frequently think about “running away” to another city, a new home, a new atmosphere… I have this idea that if I can just run away to somewhere new, maybe my problems and mental issues won’t follow me? I just want to be normal. I want a normal life. I don’t want this mind or this body… I just want to be normal. I can’t live with myself; I always ruin everything.
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I’ve run away. To a different country. 2 different countries in fact. Now I’m back where I was born. It doesn’t work.
You have roots where you are. I’d advise you to stay put and fight your problems on your home turf.
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You can travel the world but you can’t run away from the person you are in your heart.
Learning to love yourself is the first step that you take when you want to be real.
Flying on planes to exotic locations won’t teach you how to really feel.
All I want to say is I’m feeling similar this week. Been more low functioning than usual due to a medication and it really does feel pretty bad… I keep thinking I’ll feel better if I move back with my relatives in China since I can see the kids grow up and everything. Maybe take your mind off things by watching a movie or even just chilling for a while. Maybe you’ll forget these thoughts and will feel better. Maybe go on a trip if you can. Remember it’s all in your head and it’s your responsibility to try to make life worth living.
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First of all i feel your pain. I have the same problem as you. I feel lost. But its cause my conciousness is testroyed by this bad world. You have a good mind and body. There is nothing wrong with you. The world is impossible to put together and thats scary i feel. I feel i wanna live and then the machene called world doesnt work.
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