Broken and alone
You no longer see the point
The night darkening
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If this is about you: you never know when you’ll find happiness. Life can be difficult but also changing.
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It is about me.
Tonight is just rough I feel very apathetic and alone.
I kinda want to talk to someone
But I feel like that’s just a bad idea
I also feel like I’ve just pushed everyone away.
Idk I believe it can get better, but tonight, its hard to stay positive.
Sorry to vent
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Doesn’t bother me. Sorry you’re having a bad night.
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Sorry you are feeling like that, such nights can be so tough. Hope there will be a bit of light soon for you. Cling to the idea there can be.
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Hey, how are you now?
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I’m still pretty depressed tbh but idk I think I feel a little better after sleeping
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Good that sleeping helped a bit! Hope you find something to hang on to and find light in. Feel free to share thoughts if you wish, we are here for you.
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I’m glad sleep helped you a little. Do you have a therapist you can talk to?
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Currently I’m looking for a new therapist. My old one just threw me out and it’s been a struggle ever since.
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Tbh my main issues with things are that my therapist threw me out.
And I’ve been struggling with a lot of self doubt ever since.
Like mainly, if my therapist can’t handle me how can anyone else?
Like idk it’s also made me question the point of trying, cause I had been seeing this person for 3 years and actually making progress
And she just threw me out like garbage. Idk I just feel weirdly betrayed.
And I just feel like I’m back to square one.
Like I have to look for a therapist that’s a decent fit. And then I have to learn to trust them… Which is …very difficult for me
Sorry to just vent I’m just stressed
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Venting is fine, i do that here too, dont worry.
I understand this is hard…I am very sensitive to rejection or let downs by my therapist, much more than with others. I would feel like you as well.
Therapists often have their own issues. It can just as well be a problem of hers, not you. Did she give a reason?
It is in a way like a relationship break-up. Hope you can choose to not shut yourself off completely though, take time to process this and carefully give a new therapist a chance.
Dont give up.
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Did she give you a reason for terminating care?
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Well I do admit I had some fault in it falling apart. And there were other smaller incidents before this but nothing like “world ending”
So basically I was abused by a therapist as a kid and it really â– â– â– â– â– â– me up.
I also have had other therapists (mainly in childhood) that didn’t help me and had some… Questionable actions…
So I was talking about my experience with that and I said “Man… ■■■■therapists” referring to the therapists that messed me up
She stops me and said “so EVERY therapist including me? ■■■■all of them??” Like very aggressive
And it devolved into a huge argument…
Things were said I got triggered really badly and I got thrown out.
Which like honestly I didn’t really want to continue with her after some of the things she said
Such as
“I think you deserved what those doctors did to you”
Which is really â– â– â– â– â– â– considering
I constantly wonder/worry about if I deserved to be abused…
So like I wouldn’t go back to her even if I could
but like it was so sudden and I didn’t expect her to turn on me like that at all
Like I know I probably could have handled the situation better but like… Damn it sucks
I will say she had slowly but surely been getting less patient with me cause she had some health issues.
But like that’s no excuse to take it out on a patient…
Tbh idk if I’m super making sense right now.
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Im sorry…that sounds like you both had some inconsiderate responses and it actually sounds like she was triggered too and lost her temper. Which is unprofessional.
I feel what she did, most of all saying you deserved it, was very very wrong. People have told me similar things and i was quite upset with them. Child abuse is not something a child deserves…ever. I think only this single remark would be a reason for me to “fire” a therapist. Please dont doubt if she was right about it.
I think it is good to look at what you could do differently a next time. But i dont think you are fully to blame and i think it is good she is out of your life, based on what you say. This sounds like bad “therapy” from her side. I can imagine you feel betrayed.
I hope you wont stay stuck in what happened though, but can look ahead at “what now?”. Can you think of things that would help you overcome this and/or find a good new therapist?
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Well I finally started looking for a new one and I set up 2 appointments.
One appointment went ok
But I find myself not believing a word he says my main thought is just “how long til this one betrays/hurts me”
He didn’t do anything wrong but I’m finding hard to trust him even a little
The other appointment I made went horribly and I’m never going back
That therapist told me I was a liar because I didn’t want to tell her everything about my trauma in the first visit.
And I was very much not ok after that visit
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Dear Noise, im so sorry. I can imagine. That latter one was so not okay.
Maybe still give the first one a chance though? It is normal I think, after your experiences especially, to not trust them right away? I think it is actually healthy and natural to first want to get to know someone well before you trust them with your deepest hurts and fears. Did you tell the first one how difficult you find it? Could you, to see how he responds?
I too was hurt in psychiatry…and find it hard to trust them. With my current therapist i have told them how hard i find it to trust her. Every time she does something “hurtful” accidently i freak out inside, think “you are the same as all of them!”, emotionally run away and tell her im quitting. Then calm down a few days and talk about what happened. We can kind of joke about it and peacefully discuss her “mistake”, what old betrayal it touched on in me, my response and what both of us could do differently next time. By her responses to this i slowly start to trust her more. So i can kind of see how trusting a therapist is hard.
Maybe you can trust the first one just enough to tell them you find it so hard to trust him because of past experiences with therapist? And see if he deals with that well?
How are you feeling now? Are you a little okay again?
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I’m scared but I’m going to give the 1st another try.
Thank you for the encouragement. I’m going to try my best.
I’m feeling slightly better but I think it will take time to get out of this depression
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Good luck. Just carefully see if he is worth your trust. Give him trust bit by bit.
“Depression lifting” takes time…
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