I’m a 90’s crack baby who came along way. I was adopted because my biological parents were both drug addicts and couldn’t care for me. My whole life I never knew my real parents I grew up in a regular suburban family with my foster parents who I call my mom and dad. They honestly tried to help me my whole life but as I became a teen I got into weed and other drugs because I was really stubborn and Deppression became a big problem in my life. I got put on anti depressants and they made me feel high ( not violent at all but I’d get into arguments with my foster family) so they said I had manic Deppression and they said my anti depressants were making me manic. But after being curious for so many years I finally figured out who my real parents were and my real father who died literally a couple months before I could meet him was schizophrenic and had been in and out of prision and so is my real big brother. I have met my real big brother and he thinks cameras are watching him everywhere and he thinks he’s on TV. See I’ve never had like crazy hallucinations I just get very Deppressed often suicidal. But I hide it from a lot of people everyone thinks I’m a very happy person but I’m really not I wish someone could understand, I feel lonely. I now take lithium. If anybody wants to talk or vent I got you.
Are you bipolar or schizoaffective??? Either way you’re welcome here just trying to understand better. Sorry you had it so rough not knowing your real family. I know that’s really tough. I also got high from antidepressants they put me in bad shape.
I’m like 99% sure I’m developing schizophrenia. Because theirs so many people in my family who has it. But I take lithium, Wellbutrin, propanol, amitriptyline and clonodine ( I use to take vyvance but that shit makes me very paranoid.) my physiatrist is sayin I got manic Deppression. I’m only 18 and Im still tryna get through high school. But it’s hard to focus on school when I think all the people in the class is looking at me or People are just gonna randomly try to fight me or something.
If you keep smoking weed there’s a high chance you will development, drugs like that can activate sz genes. Really, really best to avoid if you can.
I’m glad you have a loving family now that worries for you. You sound like you’ve been through a lot. Keep fighting and good luck w new med!
I agree with Anna.
Weed is not going to do you any good. Sure, the moment you smoke it, it makes you feel better sometimes, but when it wears off, you’ll end up feeling worse than before you smoked.
And it will exaggerate your symptoms.
Be careful, be very, very careful.
It’s important that you tell your doctors about the thoughts you’re having about people wanting to fight you and staring at you and such. Those are paranoid thoughts, and they could be a sign of schizophrenia. Remember that doctors diagnose based on what they know. If you hide stuff from them, whether you mean to or not, they might not be able to diagnose you correctly.
That’s a tough story. I hope you get what you want from here.
Welcome to the forum, Tristan. As long as you remain aware of your symptoms, it’s not schizophrenia. Could be for example a milder form of paranoid personality disorder…
Do you have friends whom you trust? How about a girlfriend? It is good to have close people with which to share your thoughts. They can provide support and useful feedback…
I’d have to disagree with you on that, Andrey.
Being aware of your symptoms doesn’t mean it’s not schizophrenia.
I have insight and I still have it.
Well, as far as I know, nowadays they don’t diagnose you with sz until you’ve had at least one psychotic episode, which by definition entails losing contact with reality and really poor or no insight at all.
Of course in hindsight one can analyze and make sense of one’s previous experiences, and come to terms with the diagnosis, and learn to identify early signs of relapse.
The prodromal symptoms are usually irritability, lack of concentration, insomnia, sometimes magical thinking.
Tristan has manic depression and paranoid ideation, of which he seems to be totally aware at this point. He definitely doesn’t have schizophrenia NOW. Dunno what will happen in the future.
Psychiatrist diagnosed me with schizoaffective and nurse practitioner with schizophrenia despite my insight. Lack of insight is not part of the requirements to be diagnosed with schizophrenia. One with just hallucinations and negative symptoms can easily have insight and be diagnosed with schizophrenia. Its harder when it comes to delusions and disorganized speech but even then lack of insight isn’t required.
Also only 50% of schizophrenics have anosognosia.
I think the diagnosing process varies from country to country, I never heard about lack of insight being the criteria when I questioned my diagnosis.
In fact, the therapist complimented me on my insight into my own symptoms.
Why did you feel so compelled to find your biological parents?
Was it just for medical history or did you just feel some kind of need?
I heard about “it’s only a delusion if you truly believe it”. Which is related to lack of insight. Certainly you can hear voices and say “oh I must be sz”
I had no insight for years but now I have a lot. Yeah.
There is drastic difference between the times when you think people are watching you and out to get you, not effecting your daily life, and the times when you know people are out to get you. My paranoid thoughts often manifest themselves right into full blown delusions. Thats where my trouble lies. When i let my reality be diluted by paranoid irrational thinking. So just dont fall prey to insecure and paranoid thoughts. Because remember, they are just thoughts. And if you have any number of the many mental illnesses, you then you have the traits to possibly misinterpret and misread situations and see things not as they truly are. So you need a reality check every now and then from a trusted person, then things can be addressed before they get out of hand. Thats what works for me.
My doc says that if i would of went without a few of the traumatic experiences ive had, i possibly would have just been a manic depressive or bi-polar as opposed the SZA im stuck with now. I think you are on the right track of at least identifying whats going on with you. I thought i was perfectly fine when i was at my worst, only now do i see how out of touch i had been. So what helps the best? The word of the day…Insight.
Hopefully the lithium helps keep your manic spells to a minimum. I get horrible mania episodes and riding the rollercoaster of emotions up and down is a tireless feat. But they can be tamed. Good luck.
i always felt like I was different and I just knew the problems I was havin over time were bigger than me so I felt like the only people that could help me were the people who were like me the most and that being my biological parents. If that makes any sense
That does make sense,
Thank you!
@Andrey None of us on the forum are qualified to diagnose anyone else on the forum.