My story to date. Can anyone help me understand myself?

Hi. I don’t really know how to say or go about this but I am looking for someone to guide me in the right direction or at least lend an ear.

[If you are sensitive I’d recommend not reading]
To really understand what’s going on I need to start from the beginning.
Growing up my parents were split, I’d live with my mother during the week and visit my dad on weekends. At some point I was around 11 years old, my mum got into a relationship that ended badly and we were out couch surfing with literally the clothes on our back and we lost everything. We eventually got into commission housing and worked our way back up and onwards. Through this time my mum became severely depressed and became an alcoholic. I looked after her most days up to the age of 14, there was alot of resentment. At 14 sadly everything worsened, my grandfather passed due to cancer and everything became too much. My mum took her own life. I have sinced lived with my father who i am very greatful for to take me in.

I am 21 now. I seemed to deal with everything pretty well considering the circumstances, fast forward a bit through high school it was a failure i couldnt concentrate like i used to and frankly didnt care I just wanted to leave and get a job. I left school and since have hopped between jobs not because i lose them but because im unhappy with them and want a good life at the right job.

Inbetween jobs i started smoking marijuana with friends. alot. everynight i was high to the point you would pass out. everything was fine for quite awhile all laughs until my friends started killing my high they were bad mouthing me just whispering but because i was generally spaced out it was too late to say anything when i snapped back to reality (at least this was my thought) it got worse, panic attacks, thinking everyone was against me. it took countless embarassing conversations with my very patient girlfriend to realise that no one was doing anything bad by me… what happened is hard to explain but i would recall a conversation in my friends voices that never actually occured, as if it was a memory. I developed severe anxiety and feel depressed quite often… something i think i have been neglecting for years if i am honest.

I immediately stopped smoking when I realised I was ‘hallucinating’? which with alot and i mean alot of mental willpower of correcting myself when these irrational conversations have supposedly taken place. the occurence of it has lessened over the months and has faded away, it sometimes happens rare;y but nowhere near the magnitude it used to be.

I should mention that my uncle has schizophrenia.

So my question is. Am I/Does it sound like I will develop schizophrenia or was it just drug induced or the result of high stress, depression and generally not knowing whats going on due to being high?

Sorry if this is an inappropriate place for this topic.

You have been through quite a bit. No one here can diagnose you though. You need to see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis and a treatment plan. Good on you for quitting the drugs. Let us know what the doc says and this is a safe place to get support.

Welcome and best of luck in recovery!

Best to go see a doctor.



Thanks for the response, I will see a doctor I guess I am just fearful of a false diagnosis.
Also interested to know if anyone here has experienced this but I understand no one here could diagnose me.


My friend has the exact same thing when she smokes pot. She stopped smoking and things went back to normal.

My advice is also go see a doctor.

Best of luck!

Steer clear of the weed bud. It doesn’t agree with everyone . i had bizarre reactions to weed too. Best wishes to you

Stop smoking weed and see if it gets better. No point in going to the pdoc’s office if you just have smoked. They can’t tell what is what. They will say drug induced psychosis.

We can’t diagnose you here. We are no docs. But in my head it sounds like the weed is doing this to you.


You have obviously have dealt with long term stress.
I agree stay away from weed.
Remember to be kind to yourself. Because you do deserve to be kind to yourself.

I agree with Tomcat. You need a professional to make a diagnosis. I’m pretty much in the same place with alcohol that you are with pot. In just under four hours it will be the 100th day I’ve been sober.

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My personal opinion is that you are empowered to decide, for yourself, whether you’re losing your mind or not. Albeit, in my personal opinion I would suggest you decide to take a path where the problems you’ve experiencing are quite material, and not taken from an imaginary world - that is, make sure your ideas are not related to the state of your saving account before turning to mental wounds. In my personal opinion, if you follow the other paths, you’re risking throwing yourself into patterns were its kind of harder to not seek for one mental wound after the others. Hope things turn the best for you.