Just constantly feeding the machine with whatever i can. Its never enough though. Everything in existence is some form of drug and ur brain just eats it up
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And… bunnies!!
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I don’t feel my brain eating anything up.
Let’s say you eat blueberries every day and kale
Any difference between smokes and beers?
No
Brain on its own plane.
this is quite a dismal view kazuma. you are feeling sorry for yourself and justifying it by allowing yourself to be victimized… it reflects a sense of entitlement that went unsatisfied.
It’s not you who are doing to much for the world. It is that you are discontent with the world not doing anything for you.
You’ve got to buck up and own. If your efforts are not properly rewarded then you must find a means to improve your efforts so that they might be worth more weight in economic exchange. Or simply find different avenues to what efforts you have to be applied to…
You’re not physically inadequate… nor stupid… the only fallacy to you is that you tend to dwell in this pain because there is no shortcut or even clear vision to the life you want to see yourself living. It’s stubborn.
I’m just telling it like it is man… I’m sorry you are struggling. There comes a point though where you gotta accept the world and grow up. If you want to make changes to your corner of the globe perhaps some day you will have empowered yourself enough to do so in your private life and private sociosphere you might find yourself in. The ability to do so only comes at the greatest of sacrifice. You sell your time… you sell your right to support the views of this impained inner-child you are still dragging around as it kicks and screams.
We are not born fit for this world. The perspectives we carry from our childhoods have to grow and adapt just like the rest of ourselves.
You ain’t alone in your struggles buddy. Schizophnrenics see deeper… bipolar people feel deeper… you got the diagnosis that holds both of those weights and I’m sorry in that.
There are countless things you can do to better yourself and your life. I’m sorry it’s so unsatisfying to sit alone while the world lifts it’s skirt and flashes you and that temptation to just get out there and live while you are too financially disempowered to do so keeps you constraint to addling yourself on various substances in attempts to at least feel alive.
It’s you though… the awarenesses of what’s out there can be controlled and eliminated. All that is at the ends of a life oreiented around drugs is pain and lonely brokeness. You will eventually become wise enough to see this and know it through and through… if you want to stay on that roller coaster of risk… power to you… but know that countless heads have risen above it. So many minds that it’s quite obvious anyone can.
Don’t be tempted to conquer the world by force… the wiser thing is to build one for yourself. If you see these sacrifices made for society… focus more on seeing those sacrifices as something you are giving to your future self. Work to craft their efficacy of aiding you yourself in being free from these percieved evils that haunt you.
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Maybe the difference wouldn’t show up instantly…but booze and smokes do affect the brain…and so does what you consume…anything that triggers the brain into reacting is messing with it good or bad…smells drugs love social encounters visual stimuli tastes chemicals we breath and ingest.ect ect…the brain is influenced by most everything we encounter…
Good words @Azley ! Really enjoyed reading ur part and it motivates me to put myself first 
great job!
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But you have RABBITS. With cute dark ears and noses and fur that is soooooooo warm and soft.
Happiness is internal!
So is sadness and suffering. If I had nothing inside I wouldn’t have these problems. But if I had gods spirit inside I would be one powerfull mofo.
You feel better when you talk about your problems don’t you? So why suffer with sadness and suffering alone?
Happiness is internal. Means don’t put conditions on being happy. I’ll only be happy when I finish collage, I’ll only be happy when I find a boyfriend, I’ll only happy when he marries me, I’ll only be happy when we have kids, I’ll only be happy when they finish school- they get married- they have kids. In the mean time you are not happy at all.
Anther way of looking at it is I’ll only be happy when my boyfriend gives me blue velvet roses.
- if your boyfriend doesn’t like giving flowers
2 If he has no idea they are your favorite flower you are going to be miserable the rest of your life.
What wrong with being mindful buying your own flowers, growing your own especially if they bring you joy. A bad example but you get the picture.
Depressions a lying ■■■■■■■don’t listen to him.
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I guess I’m only happy when I got money the internal thing I think you are talking about is immaterial the mind the power from within happyness, love etc
What gives you JOY? What makes you happy? I know it’s complicated and finding it when you are depressed is a huge issue.
Money can’t buy you happiness. It does however make living in misery a lot easier! Can also afford to get a lot of people working on what does make you happy.
trust me, I know a lot about machines because I identify as an Attack Helicopter.
life is only as endless as the number of repairs that servicemen can perform on me.
but I do feel that things can be overwhelming and forced-fed into me. usually when that happens, I stop everything and close my eyes (or listen to music, if things are loud. or walk away into a quiet area.) Sometimes, I even just close my eyes and daydream, or take a nap, or just get some rest and feel better the next morning. my freedom to withdraw and recover is usually given; and if it’s not, then I would try my best to make it given because it is important.
meds are very helpful too.