Can't take the isolation anymore

Im literally losing my ■■■■■■■ mind all i do anymore is stare at the wall and let my brain have a party. Just constant over and over crap. Ive been surviving on one meal a day. Ive probably lost 15 pounds like i can wrap my hand all the way around my wrist easily. My therapist has my credit card so i cant buy booz to alleviate these pressures. Just stare at the wall and hope for the best. What did i do? Where did i go wrong? I have more conversations with myself then i do with actual people. I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything is so bleak and grim in my life. All i keep hearing is constant people telling me in my head how im a piece of ■■■■ this and a loser that. How im never gonna have friends again how i was some type of hitler in my past life and i deserve this. Just over and over it just keeps repeating in my head. Im ■■■■■■■ losing it. What did i do? Who did i hurt bad enough to allow karma to ■■■■ me? I ■■■■■■■ get it world, im a piece of ■■■■ awful human being who deserves nothing less then isolated torment. If its revenge u all want, well ur getting it, im proud of u. Over and over and over and over it just won’t stop. Shut the ■■■■ up brain and leave me alone

kazuma, i am almost in the same situation… me too iam a loser and i had this idea that i was a hitler in my past life… don’t think like that, don’t listen to others. me too, i am isolated since 13 years man…

How do u do it how do get through it?

Can you get your focus on doing something for someone else, however small? That may help train your focus off of your own problems.


Volunteer at an animal shelter?


I’m sorry you are going through this. Can you afford to see your therapist every week? Seeing him/her might help you to deal with the isolation better.

Remember that you are a strong person who has a rough illness. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. This is not your fault.

I see him twice a week. Then i have basic attendors to check up on me throughout the week. But it doesnt feel real since they are paid to do so. Like they give a ■■■■ about me. They just want money. Im lucky to have this support but its artificial fairy dust

Most people in that profession genuinely want to help other people. Give that some thought.

People on this site care about you. I do.

I was helped a lot by my social worker. She really wanted me to succeed. I’m sure the people who work to help you want you to succeed too.

Do you feel like you need to go to the hospital? It might be the best thing for you right now.


No im feeling better now (its been like a roller coaster ride in and out of depressed psychosis). And yea they probably do care but theres still that disconnect i feel. Its just everytime im in class i feel like a leper. And im never really conscious of what i say it just comes out so sometimes i blurt out some insensitive stuff which probably repels people. Like we were talking about tokyo ghoul in class the other day and talking about how the ghouls represent this outside society and i blurted out like the crazy people on the street. I got some weird looks even though in my head i was trying to make a statement about how ghouls represent us mentally ill. I shouldve just said like people with mental illness but i never think about what i say. Its so hard when my thoughts are scrambled. Its like i think these thoughts in my head thinking people will immediately understand what im trying to say but it always comes out wrong. I guess i try to hard to think people can read my mind. Part of the sza i guess

That happens to lots of people. I get that too. I find myself rehashing my statements in my head later on. The goal is to quiet that negative repetitively critical thought pattern. I took a play from the BDSM book and made a safe word for myself. It used to have a strong tie to me, because it was a part of my delusions in 2012. It still works for me. It makes me turn the page on my thoughts.

Once you get a little older, you begin to care less what other people think. Most people make mistakes like us in conversation, but it’s not so bad. People will probably forget what you said yesterday unless you got in someone’s face about something. It is okay.

1 Like

I’ve never thought of it in those terms but I do something similar with myself - when I get into too negative a thought pattern, I throw out a thought that stops all other thoughts in their tracks. Kind of the equivalent of asking a grandparent to see pictures of their grandkids. All other conversation stops.

1 Like

Uuumm! I’ve got the trademark and copyright on “safe word,” though! :wink:

1 Like

I’ve found that the times in my life when I was the worst in my illness was during a prolonged period of isolation. I did and said things I regret. In a way, I enjoy isolation. My brain is free to take flights of fancy, but I also lose contact with the ordinary checks on our behavior that keep all of us in line. Try to find a way to decrease your isolation. It will help.