My worst delusion I had for years was that my life and all of reality was a synthetic creation of my mind and I was all alone in the universe. All the people around me were fake. I thought I was very intelligent being or computer and I had discovered the horrible “truth”. I used to scream and cry for hours because of the horror of this delusion. I told my family ( I was thirteen at the time) and they got mad at me and told me to stop talking crazy, even tho they knew schizo runs in family they didn’t get me help and I suffered for about five years.
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I can relate to this belief, except mine’s along the lines of feeling like reality is a video game simulation and that I’m becoming too intelligent and figuring things out, also that aliens are controlling everyone, even me. Voices told me to keep this truth away from anyone or if they do find out, to hope they remain oblivious to the truth.
Edit: I’m sorry your family doesn’t believe you though, and didn’t give you the help you needed…that sounds awful.
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I was curious if that was a common delusion, now I know. It was mostly the thought of being that alone that sent chills up my back.
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I tried to scientifically disprove the delusion but I couldn’t. I didn’t know if other schizophrenics try to disprove their delusions if they’re very painful?
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I’m not sure if it’s really common, as compared to the delusion of being spied on for example, but I’m sure it’s happened to several others.
Oh geez, I think trying to disprove may prove difficult for anyone who struggles with them. I’d imagine in some cases some have tried to disprove but found it challenging to do so, plus some times there’s something alluring and convincing about the delusions too.
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I think it is related to derealization
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Many people here also had delusions similar to the Matrix, the Truman Show and feeling like everyone was an actor.
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I remember reading on Wikipedia about solipism way back then and it gave me a panic attacks lol. It seemed like it was giving legitimacy to my delusion.
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I am sorry you had to go through that. Delusions are so difficult to treat.
(((hugs)))
Are you currently taking medication?
Don’t blame your parents, they don’t know better.
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No I’m 26 now and just recently diagnosed. Going to see pdoc in few weeks. No more positive symptoms now just severe negatives, the literal opposite of my psychotic state. Even tho it was so painful back then sometimes I wish I could still feel and believe something that powerful. Now , deep in pure negative schizophrenia, all I feel is…nothing.
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Have you considered antidepressant? or Sarcosine?
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I’m scared of taking ssri antidepressant because my symptoms are caused by very low dopamine and ssris lower dopamine even more. I have very extreme anhedonia and emotional blunting . I think since I was unmedicated while psychotic my brain tried to save itself by downregulation dopamine but went way overboard.
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Ah man, your’re not alone in this belief/delusion. I too have this belief sometimes, more so in the past. I’ve also spoken to some folks on this forum who believed the same thing.
I can imagine what you mean by the shock of being “alone”.
I try not to give it too much meaning except that its kind of like an existential crisis which is common even amongst regular folk. My existential crisis just happens to manifest into these ideas.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
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Only amphetamines have worked in terms of letting me feel. I want to try sarcosine tho, what site is best to order from?
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I’m starting to believe that I am living in some kind of imagined state, like in the movie “The Matrix”, or maybe in some kind of dream world, like in “The Running Man”. There are a lot of things I am seeing in my life that defy logic. One of the biggest is that people who should be far removed from my life are intensely involved in it. People in Tennessee should not have any idea who I am, when I am from Oklahoma. A cop in Germantown, Tennessee should not know who I am. People in a town thirty miles away should not have knowledge of my existence when I go there once a year. People in a town six miles away should not be involved in my life.
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I’ve had occasional thoughts of this reality being a sophisticated computer simulation designed to keep me busy during interstellar travel, but the people in it are sophisticated enough that they have to be separate intelligent entities, so that dashes that fantasy.
I’m still of the belief that this is a computer simulation, but as a test by God to prepare us for higher-dimensional existence.
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i was addicted to speed for years. It was only after I stopped using that I was able to get better. Even though I started taking my meds too, it took quite a while for the meds to work. Schizophrenia is a biological illness. It is a medical condition. Only meds are effective in helping to alleviate the symptoms. You can also use different self-coping skills and self-medicating, but these will not reduce the symptoms the way anti-psychotics can. Speed in particular is very dangerous. It works in a manner that directly counteracts the effects of anti-psychotic medication. It floods your brain with dopamine, the meds help regulate your dopamine. You are not only exacerbating your symptoms, you are using a substance that can cause problems with mood disorders (depression, bi-polar, manic). If you want to start getting better, i would highly recommend stopping the use or abuse of methamphetamine.
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Lots of love for you guys. I relate tremendously. I’m sorry you are suffering like so many of us. Fortunately, we exist. I know I definitely exist and so do you. What you talk about I suffered for 6 years. It’s called solipsism, dp/Dr, matrix delusion, schizophrenia, brain in vat theory, etc. It does get better. I too thought i would be better off on stimulants but that ended up being wrong. Brainvitaminz delivers the best sarcosine imo. I hope you feel better soon.
I feel like I have knowledge of the universe few have. I can tell you it doesn’t matter if we live in a sim or not-- it’s real enough. Even if we were brain in vats, ( more like matrix movie imho) we live here and now and to some degree we are real in this reality. Good luck.
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I feel like I’m in a video game or some kind of science experiment. I just kind of go with it though. I try not to talk about it too much though cause im scared it’ll piss off someone watching me.
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I couldn’t go through everyone’s comments because this topic is highly triggering for my delusional side but I just wanted to say that I feel for you. This solipsism runs my life currently. I hope you’ve since not been a victim of this kind of thought and good luck. I hope your family treats you well now.
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