Schizophrenia.com

Life and stuff happening lately

well, my sister just took off for a two week stint in France with her wonderful new wealthy fiancee, and I’m very happy for her, but I’ve been noticing me kind of feeling “those old feelings” that if I had stayed an architect before I got sick that I could have a wonderful life too. Thing is, I thought I was “over this” feeling that I was ripped off for getting sick.? I live on my disability check and share a life with my girlfriend who works her tail off at her job and she is poor too. I guess I miss the security that comes with a high end job monetarily…I am finding myself holding a newfound grudge against my wealthy father that has just left me and my siblings behind while he lives it up…I feel bad for feeling this way…thanks for listening…

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a buddhist priest has nothing but is happy.
the accumalation of happiness does not come about from expensive toys , luxury houses, fast cars and over the top holidays in exotic locations.
my brother is a multi millionaire but is shallow , lonely and quite a sad figure despite his fine saville row suits…
ultimately happiness comes from inside, only you can find it.
take care

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Hi Jukebox,
Sorry life is still feeling not fair to you. But you know, it takes both hands to hold a grudge, so even if happiness was in front of you, you wouldn’t be able to pick it up without dropping the grudge.

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Hey @jukebox, nice to see you again. I sometimes miss my old job, in which I held for almost 25 years. I do know however that the stress of work would do me in once again. Yes, I guess you can say that life is a struggle - but my wealthy brother has his own struggles which really does not have to do with money. Everyone struggles, or they wouldn’t call it life

  • Rob
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My frustration ebbs and flows with “how well” I am doing…like today, I am stopping smoking again, so I feel “good” about today…two days ago was pay day and I had some compulsive spending at the grocery store. I had forgot I had a ticket to pay later that day, plus a loan I had to take out a few months back…then my girlfriend left her cash on the counter and walked away from it at Walmart accidentally so I had to loan her money for gas to get to work and then I was really broke for the rest of the money, on pay day !! See? that is why I was down yesterday…ask me later how I feel and I will probably say “great !” …it ebbs and flows…

I have some similar things- my family is wealthy, upper class but my parents are lower middle. My cousins all go to the best schools they got accepted to and their parents pay for it, I go to the local Uni for free on an academic scholarship. The honors psych program has bright kids but the rest of the school is rather stupid, frankly. Lots of people fail or hardly pass while I make A’s and consider a B a failure. My grandparents did pay for me to go to a private high school, which was great, but honestly in my city, public high schools all suck and are full of gangs and drugs and the scum of the earth.

my family doesnt let kids go to public high schools, they dont let that happen.

But yeah I am relatively independent, I have my education for free but my parents pay for my powerlifting membership and food and gas, I used to have a job but they gave me the worst hours and made me work overtime or made me leave after like 4 hours, and they made me do all of the heavy lifting and we worked agaisnt a clock, for minimum wage. I was spending most of my money on energy drinks for the terrible hours (midnight until noon, 5 am until 4pm, tons of bullshit) and I was losing weight so I quit after 3 months. But I live with my parents, but so does my sister, and she just got a bachelors in accounting so I look better when compared to that.

Dont blame yourself for having schizophrenia, just do the best you can. If you take blame for a genetic disorder, youre gonna have a bad time. But yeah it sort of sucks when you’re the poor people in a wealthy family. I hear that. It also sucks to be mentally ill. That sucks balls.

But hey, life will find a way. I am doing really well in school and might get a scholarship to grad school if I keep it up. I recently joined a competitive powerlifting team and it will look good to have competitions and ranks for when I apply to grad school. Im not really doing it for fun, I love lifting weights but this is mainly to show grad schools that I am not lazy, which is the stereotype for most medicated schizophrenics. It is common for someone to get on meds and then get fat and out of shape. Im trying to beat the stigma and stereotype to death and leave it behind. Working out is one thing, powerlifting is batshit crazy. The only goal in the sport is to lift as much as possible in three lifts, add the number of pounds up and then get ranked by your total in relation to how much you weigh. Its serious, they want me to be 175 and then cut by fasting and dehydrating to 165 and compete in that weight class. I dont know if thats even an option, Geodon must be taken twice a day with 400 calories or more. I guess I will be eating like 800 cal a day for a week before weighing in and not drinking water for 24 hours before weighing in.

Its ok to feel bad, just dont ever blame yourself for having this. Fight through it and count your blessings.

That is no easy task. The accounting degree offered through our college looks brutal. Getting a bachelors and finishing it… she knows what money does, where it goes, how it multiplies and she will always be in a high demand position. Even with just a bachelors, she could get hired easy. If she gets her masters… that’s corporate level. I hope you at least gave her a thumbs up for all that hard work.

I’m a little envious of people who know how to make work for them and knows exactly where it goes and why.

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yeah she “doesnt like” accounting and wont work as an accountant…sigh…not my problem