I woke up at 3 again, but this time I felt something on my neck. It’s those stupid little things that are stealing bits of my brain. I thought I had gotten rid of them but I guess they found me again. But the worst part is I saw a couple of them on my daughter’s back and head. I’m so freaked out. What if they’re taking her brain, too? I don’t know how to keep her safe from them and it’s making me feel awful.
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You are having a delusion. I know how it feels. I used to see little things, and then I thought my pet rabbit was eating them to save me. This is not true.
Your daughter is fine! You are fine too!
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Talk about it here but don’t bother your daughter telling her what you see cause their very strong image making mind may injure,
She’s only a year and a half.
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I know it’s a delusions/hallucination. I can say those those words. But, today, I don’t believe them. Like, a tiny part of me knows I’m sick and this isn’t real, but it feels so brutally real and it’s terrifying.
I’ll take some extra meds, though. Hopefully it’ll help at least a little.
I know you have childcare issues,
But you need to find a solution and go to the hospital.
Can your parents watch her for a little bit?
This is your health, woman, you can’t be a mom without it.
We’re in Oregon and all our family is in Indiana.
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Do you have a sitter in the area?
Not really. She’s stayed with some neighbors once, but they’re in middle school/high school. Plus we couldn’t afford to pay a sitter.
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(Fuck)
Is there anything else you can do?
Have you told your husband how bad off you are?
I told him things were getting bad, so he sort of knows. I also texted my clinician this morning.
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I’m sorry you’re going through this, @LED. I see and feel bugs often that aren’t there, and I will stare at them until I realize they’re not real… It sounds like you know they’re not real. Repeat that to yourself and tell anyone who can help you what’s going on so they can support you. Can you make an appointment to either change meds or increase?
Try to stay calm and don’t let it get the better of you. You’re going to get through this. 
️
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My next appointment is the 20th, but I’m talking to my clinician, who’s talking to my doctor, about med changes. She just texted and asked me to call my insurance to check on the exact cost of the haldol injection because that’s what they want to switch me to, but I don’t think I can afford it anyways.
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There must be a way and it’s your doctors responsibility to make sure you’re taken care of. It’s so hard to raise a child when you’re in and out of reality, I know, but you’re so strong, @LED. Sometimes all the crap is still there and we have to wallow through it to get to the other side. Keep reminding yourself that the tiny beings aren’t real. They’re not real and there’s no harm. ️My heart goes out to you, but I believe you’re going to be okay.
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So, my clinician is filling out a thing for assistance from the drug company for the haldol injection. Hopefully that works and doesn’t take too long. They don’t have any samples available, so I have to wait to start it.
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