Kids - why do people not think it through?

It’s hard for me not to judge these things. I’m not perfect, I find it hard to look after myself not sure I could look after another human being.

but it does get me upset sometimes. My cousin wanted a baby for so long , and now she has given birth she’s decided to move back in with her mum. Not only that her farther in law has also landed for a good few months. So he’s staying with them. My aunt gets tired. Either my cousin is depressed or she didn’t think it through :confused:

I’ve decided not to have my own but if I did that (gave the responsibility to my mum) i probably could have the child. Just feels unfair though.

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I want kids and I’ve also considered adopting but me and my family don’t think I’m responsible enough. Can’t complain

When I was 19, I wanted a baby so bad I could taste it. Biology you know. But, as soon as I had him, I knew I was in over my head. And I swore I would have no more. I was madly in love with my child though and everyone said that I took excellent care of him. Today, I’m not sorry I had him, even though it ended badly.

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I get angry when people think it’s on the checklist of things to do in life and they just have kids without thinking about it. No one has to have kids and those who aren’t in it 100% shouldn’t do it. Getting a puppy is a stretch for some, let alone taking on the task of caring for and raising a human being.
I could be called a hypocrite for those sentiments though. My son wasn’t planned. I was in a terribly abusive marriage and separated at the time. It was very irresponsible. And yet I thought of the baby as a blessing from God even in that circumstance.
I moved in with my parents when my son was four months old and stayed there until he was 18. It was difficult but necessary and, to be honest, I would have done anything to make sure my son was ok and in a safe environment. I was lucky to have my parent’s support.
Each circumstance is different. I guess, for me, it comes down to whether or not the child is in a supportive and safe environment. All the adults in the situation, considering they’ve freely chosen to be a part of this child’s life, are responsible to make sacrifices for the good of the child. If all the adults have made those choices, no one should criticize.
My siblings (six of them) judged me and felt bad for my parents when I was raising my son in their home. But my parents chose to be involved and no one should have judged when it was for the good of my son.

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Okay , maybe my judgement is unfair. I really do feel quite envious if I’m honest

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When I got pregnant (in such bad circumstances) two of my siblings and their spouses were struggling with infertility, and a coworker was too… No one was happy for me. Even my monster of a husband wanted me to miscarry. I knew my situation was bad, but it still hurt to be completely alone in my marveling at what I thought was a miracle…
We all have our stories, @anon80629714, and our lives are uniquely our own. You are a beautiful young woman with blessings of your own. A baby can be a wonderful thing, and at the same time be incredibly overwhelming. Sometimes when I would be up all night with my son crying and/or vomiting and fever…I was so overwhelmed! And that’s just normal illness… He is my greatest blessing and my deepest heartache. My two infertile siblings never did have kids and both, with their spouses, are very happy and have wonderful full lives. So, whatever story unfolds for you, @anon80629714, will be the right one for you.

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It’s also a relatively recent phenomenon in human culture to have children and care for them without an extended family. It used to be normal to have grandparents and aunts and uncles to help.

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my partner and I can’t have children. we both are infertile. we can’t adopt either because of my illness and Indiana doesn’t allow gay couples to adopt children together.

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I never wanted kids. I’d be a terrible parent anyway probably. I can barely look after myself.

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I can understand that. But she’s off work for the next year (maternity leave). My aunt works part time, can be tiring for her

That’s a decent maternity leave. In the US you’re lucky to get 6 weeks.

A lot of people are shocked. My Canadian friend who worked with me was shocked to get 27 days paid holiday on top of the 8 bank holidays everyone gets.

Because humans (and any animal) in general are not good of thinking long term. Either people are caught up in the moment and have unprotected sex and end up with baby or people think “I’m lonely a baby would be fun company!” Or “babies are so cute I’d love a baby!” Without thinking of the immense cost that lasts for years, or the sheer amount of work involved, etc. It’s the same thing that happens when people impulse buy pets. They think it’s going to be like a stuffed animal they can cuddle when they feel like then set down and forget about while they live their lives. When these people get pets or children they often regret it, and will dump the pets or children. (Ie having their parents raise the kid or something like that)

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There were times when my niece and nephews were visiting that I was thinking I had to have kids. Alcoholism and schizophrenia interfered with that though, but sometimes I still think that raising kids could be really fun, except that now I’m 58 years old. I’d be almost seventy by the time my kids were ten.

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