Just had worst episode yet

Last night i thought my brother and father were trying to kill me. It was so believable, i saw people walking around, police dogs, etc… ive never seen visuals before.

It was so scary because i strongly believed he killed his wife and kid. I had no insight, and i couldnt tell the difference between real and fake until his wife got home from work.

I heard them thia morning telling the kid to lock his door and not to be around me without an adult. Im glad they did this, because for all i know a delusion could take over. But im not at all a violent person. I feel like they see me as a monster now.

I seriously am heartbroken. I told them i would leave if i had to but they are letting me stay a couple more nights.

But now i have no options. If i go to the hospital ill get a CTO even though ive been compliant for 6 months. I feel like a freak and monster here so theyre basically forcing me out.

I was seen as intuitive of my illness and in one short night spent barricaded in a room ive changed everything.


I’m sorry that sounds horrible, maybe it is better to go the hospital for a few days…


I agree with @zeno.
Maybe it’s time to go to the hospital for a while.
It’s a safe place.

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When i fall into psychosis or heavy delusion i go to hospital right away for two weeks. Where they change my meds and fix me up. So i can go.home healthy. I dont think you should be out in the real world when you are sick. And once you are cured you can go back home.

Its important to ask for help when the disease hits. Not to deal with it alone.

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I went through a period of thinking everyone including my family wanted to kill me. It was terrifying and heartbreaking for me. I guess I was lucky that my response was flight instead of fight. I spent a night sleeping and hiding in bathroom stall in the middle of a sports field on campus. By the time I came back I had decided that if everyone wanted me to die I would just let them kill me because there was no point in going forward if everyone wanted me dead. I then thought God wanted me to kill myself or get myself thrown in jail. I called the cops and asked them to arrest me and ended up in a mental hospital.

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