Tbh, i still experience pain… I’ve landed in the psychiatry after a very unhappy childhood and teenage years, where i was sick… I thought, that the meds will help me as they help my other sick friends… yeah, i can turn jealous still sometimes and i am not proud 
But the meds never stopped my pain, never made me go outside, not much help on my mind etc…
Even one doc was wondering how not any med didnt make me happier… Did he saw people who turned happier with meds even in sz or what??? He also said, that ive tried too many meds in fact, that this probably smashed me too… I was never active, i drag this illness since kid so i was a zombie since small 
Thats how is my illness. I was never ok even before the illness. I have a tough family history, maybe thats why… But how so the meds make go outside my friends after months only and me, i still dwell my unhappiness? Tbh, i stopped switching aps as i was advised by my ex pdoc. Now i pay efforts, it got a bit better with that…
But my sz is strange, idk… Its chronical too, not by episodes… I have thinking deficits as well and probably negatives aside from the paranoia… One doc was saying to me, that my zyprexa can work in years for me, but this looks as a lie to me, isnt it?
One doc was thinking that i can have borderline, is it possible?
I dont complain, but yeap, my mom still thinks, that i’ll always be in pain… While the parents of my ill friends never say this to them… Why my mother is seeing me like this for god sake???
I have no choice now except continuing my efforts, but it sucks, that the meds dont work on me much… Maybe i would be worse without them though, yeah… But i am unhappy as hell per moments, so lonely and feeling so unloved … I dont understand why my mother doesnt see any future for me, i suffered on this already alone even as kid.
Did someone recover fully on meds, is this possible or we keep some symptoms still?
If you were put on meds it means being on meds is better than being off meds. Yes meds side effects and sz negatives/cognitives suck but what can we do?
yeah, i know that i am better on my meds, but this doc was talking to be really happy while on them… Why this works for my other ill friends and not on me???
Maybe they didnt have what i had in my family… But its hard too, that my mother believes in the pain for me, i have only her as a support almost…
My best friend, who is ill, told me, that she would have killed herself in my place, yeah…
My positive symptoms (delusions, paranoia) completely went away but I still have negative symptoms.
i never felt really happy either on my meds… i’m doing better and feeling ok but feeling really happy is a different thing.
I wonder if i have borderline as well tbh… I have sz, but maybe borderline too… When you have a pathology of the character, you deal more with this unhappy shi* i find… I know, that the borderlines often are very low…
yea it could be that you BPD too… i would talk about that with your pdoc. I think for BPD you need therapy mostly though.
Yeap, mostly therapy for BPD, its right… My ill friends dont even have somatics, its strange to me… I have all physical bull**** tbh, but i work on it now…
Not even my paranoia is fixed, but maybe cause i have thinking deficits thats why. I turned dumb with so much fears and unhappiness for so long, for real 
I guess the meds cant make me smarter, thats why i suffer still…
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