One pdoc told me this in fact… And I think it was my case too… The zyprexa pulled me out of the bed first for some four, five hours in the day, but I wasn’t feeling anything on it… For years… Not a single action on my mind or head… It’s strange, isn’t it? Zyprexa is heavy, no? And it was like a candy for me for years… Terrible… Nothing bad or good, just a candie pill, yeap… And now I think, that I start to feel it in fact… My docs were right I think, I should be patient even if it takes years… The meds should work one day or another… I guess sometimes it just takes time… I am a hard case… I have a friend with just an anxiety and the zyprexa worked for him only after an year too…
I am a bit shaky now but whatever…
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I can take high doses without being tired at all. I’ve noticed I’m more outgoing and outspoken on Abilify though.
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@Anna1
I’m sorry that meds have not helped you. I know this is a continual struggling for you. I wish I could take all of the suffering away! Do you live alone, with family, friends, or in a group home?
Yeah ,for me, some days, the meds just don’t work at all
I live alone but my mom lives in the same building… Well, I guess I need time. That’s what my docs ended up by saying… I guess the anxiety which I have needs time on the zyprexa… The paranoia too… I have my chances I guess. I just thought, that there are many people who recover in years, not months… It’s a tough illness. Hugs
what makes u hv schizophrenia
It’s very, very hard. I KNOW. So you’re able to live alone? Can you work?
Louise, dear, I live alone, but my mom helps a lot in fact. She still buys my food. I can cook, but sometimes I am too anxious and paranoid to go to the food store…
Otherwise I still suffer in social situations. It gets physical even - weakness in my legs and hands, headaches, pressure in my chest and stomach, shakiness… I even need to isolate still no matter, that I can appreciate the presence of other people… I am still avoidant if you see 
… So, no, I am not capable to work at all still But I guess I was even worse before…I still find true, that meds can help me more in the future… I told you, they work slower against anxiety and paranoia… I don’t think, that my pdoc lies to me that ill need years. I should get used to others but it will be harder after so much isolation. I tried many meds, no one didn’t work on 100 %… The Zyprexa is the best for me, few side effects…
But do you agree, that at our worst, the aps are like candies for us? That’s what said to me a doc and he was probably right… Delusions are hard to detach from I guess. If we were attached to them for years wow… I think I have depression and anxiety too, but ill work on this as I can, no meds for it. Besides the Zyprexa, I have Depakote too.
But maybe my recovery will be in years, yeap. Like some of us here. I know some of you got better in months, but I cant want too much when I am ill since kid…
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@Anna1
Thank you for explaining. I can tell through your posts that you are very bright and very smart! I wasn’t sure what your lifestyle looks like.
I understand the hardship of meds not helping. I still talk to my counselor about delusions, associations, and obsessions each week. Also, I always have severe suicidality. I’ve overdosed three times in the last four years from a combination of the suicidal thoughts, obsessions, and delusions. (I become convinced I need to commit suicide so other people can live.)
My psychiatrist is suggesting iv ketamine for my depression.
I see you often post repetitive thoughts. Do you struggle with obsessions also?
Hi again 
Well, I went quite deep in some repetitive thinking yeap… It was mostly negative thoughts too… Repetitive despair too… I sometimes say, that I bug lol. I guess my thoughts declined to e certain deep hole and I got that…
Otherwise, I had very strong suicidal urges since kid… My parents didn’t notice this before. I wasn’t talking about this… But maybe, to have only suicidal thoughts since kid, damaged my brain… Its known now, that the depression damages the brain later …
And thank you for the compliment, dear 
. But my intellect is not on his best now. I often skip lots of the info around me… I even doesn’t hear it sometimes… I am just in my head, with my pain there…
Try not to go back with the suicidal thoughts. I was very ill since very long and still think I have my chances…
Do you have anxiety too? Or some physical symptoms because of your illness? The physical symptoms are a big part of mine… I also struggle to talk sometimes, I can suffocate by anguish, its terrible… But lets hope meds will help even more in the future, its possible .
Otherwise, I still deal with lot of irritability towards others, but I work on this… and I am very sensible to all kind of conflicts around me and pressure…I close myself then, which sux… That’s why I say I can be avoidant… I need to get stronger now .
Well, I still wonder how some people are helped by the meds only in months, cause this is a complex illness, but we are all different yeap. The meds don’t act very well against depression and anxiety or even paranoid thinking… Even less on my conversion disorder (the psychosomatic stuff).
Keep going you too, Louise. Hugs
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I like to feel drugged.
I don’t feel my drugs until I don’t get them. Then I get pretty antsy. If I don’t get them for a prolonged period of time it can be awful.
Exactly! I never felt drugged in my head despite the heaviness of those meds… Maybe it’ll come, how do you think? I had for years my torments in my head. It was terrible, very painful… But I guess its hard to recover on thinking too…My emotions suffered too, but whatever. I continue my meds, yeap.
@Anna1
I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid, too. In elementary school I told a friend about them at school, and a teacher overheard. My parents were brought into the school.
I’m familiar with conversion disorder.
I don’t have answers to you why some people are helped and some aren’t. Nothing helps my depression, so I understand. I haven’t felt happy in years.
Are you in therapy?
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