There is this mom’s friend who got some depression and anxiety and she was put on an antidepressant and a small dose of Zyprexa. she got better on the second day on meds. so now for my mom, its still strange why I dont get better years after being on meds. Till now, I was just switching them. Plus, I was never on such big dose of an ap. For me, its been 10 mg of Zyprexa since 3 months. And 2 decades of social isolation behind my back where I got jealous of everything and everybody and probably mean too, without mood or self esteem.
For my mom I should go out more often. she said meds wont do more for me. But I am not sure that she is right. Its still often for me that I cant go outside. sometimes its my bad mood, sometimes my paranoia… I fighted till my twenties, then I gave up. Can I recover now after so much time? my mom doesn’t believe in baby steps. she spent the day today yelling me that she goes out even when she doesn’t feel fine and that I should do the same… But my paranoia is too strong. am I wrong believing that the ap can do on this for me? Maybe 3 months is not enough for an ap?
there is probably the thing that I have side effects from it. I sometimes get stiffed or very shaky. Idk, I am more now in the acceptance of this state but my mom says that with this tempo ill recover when ill be very old…
I really dont want strangers outside to see me when I am so much angry. Its really obvious already…
@rogueone, can you understand my situation? When sometimes I am too paranoid to go out, or just having my bad character where I dont want to do anything… Can the meds help me more with the time? Despite my 15 years of inactivity and despair behind me? Idk, ive always thought that meds should help more… maybe I need a bigger dose.
sorry to all of you here, I am a mess, a person with a lot of negativity in me sometimes. I can be good too of course but I am in the bottom of my life, that’s for sure. and this, since years. that’s what my mom cant understand… She said that meds should have helped me till now but till now, I was just switching them. I dont do this anymore since an year.
When was the last time you tried to go out?
What happened?
10 days ago I went to this moms friend. the last time, I went out alone to the supermarket here to buy some stuff for my mom. that’s all. I just have this fear in my soul and my irritability and anger sometimes cause I am impatient and probably depressed because of my life.
The meds aren’t a miracle. They only help so much. Yesterday I spent the day deciding if I wanted to take the kids to the fair or the beach. Both places are just work to me, as enjoyable as doing laundry for the most part. You just have to force yourself to do it. Don’t expect to suddenly like going out and it to be easy. That’s just probably not going to happen.
You can expect only so much from the meds. They’re going to do about nothing for negative symptoms. If you force yourself to do some things you can appear “normal” for other people. Maybe you won’t be quite as active or social as other people, at least I’m not. Just don’t expect it to be fun to do the things that other people find so enjoyable. You’re trying to be normal but it’s all going to feel like work. You can’t really expect more.
I could easily spend hours staring at a wall or laying there with my eyes closed and be perfectly happy or about as happy as I can be. When everything feels like work in comparison doing nothing is pure bliss in comparison.
All I can suggest is try to care about how your loved ones feel about what you choose to do. You have to find the energy to make yourself do things. If you can’t do it for yourself do it for your mother or whomever else you care about.
Any progress is good progress!
I guess meds are not miracle @frencheese but I was expecting more from them for my paranoia and my fears. I cant function not only because of the negatives but because of the paranoia too, you know… I am almost afraid to answer the phone the most of the time 
. Its too much…
It’s probably because you have no stimulating activity in your life, no exercise, no hobbies, are fairly isolated, won’t participate in therapy to build coping mechanisms or working on resolving past trauma, etc and refuse to make any kind of lifestyle change whatsoever from what I’ve seen. I don’t know what else to tell you at this point 
After all the years of not doing the things you have paranoia about, it will take time to build up a history of doing them and seeing that it’s OK. Like the phone. Which I hate too, btw. My voicemail should say “just text me, ffs” Anyway, you have to do the things you have paranoia over, let yourself see they are OK, and do them again. And again. And the paranoia will lessen. I wouldn’t recommend doing that without some meds, to take the edge off. But in the end, if you want to do the things, you have to take the actions.
But is it possible to recover, just to get rid of most of the symptoms after so many years? Or its probably impossible? I am not sure that the pressure my mom puts me helps me… she says ill never recover with my tempo of doing the things now…
I again feel my sadness in my soul as a heaviness. I guess I am so sad I even dont realize it anymore. dont be hard with me, my mom is already hard with me. She told me in the past that with this illness ill never have a job or friends or a family of my own… when I was at my worst and I was saying to her that I cant do this or that, she was saying me that I should kill myself then. yeah… I even heard from her to suicide myself when I was saying to her that I cant struggle anymore.
I lied in fact. in the evenings I remain very anxious. Anxious about my future, social anxious too. to the point that I cant do anything. I am not calm. I hope the ap will work on this at least.
Do you find aps good for your anxieties?
Yes it is possible. There is no time limit for recovery. But you still have to take the actions, they won’t just happen to you.
Since evenings are a bad time, do some small thing during the day. Start writing those things down. When you get a good list of things down, reading them can be encouraging during hard times.
I became a dummy @twinklestars… Imagine somebody who forgot thinking for 15 years… how I am gonna to get through this? I have no beliefs, no opinions etc etc.
and I am so afraid from my mom and dependant on her. she keeps saying that ill never recover… Its just makes me very angry and anxious… my situation is awful, I dont have relatives, almost no friends… were there people who had similar bad life situations for years but managed to get better? is it possible after 2 decades of illness? tell me that my patience can help me. that I want to recover too fast. I need to be reassured now. I need to know that meds will help me even more…
do I seem not calm right now? what is this bug in my head for god sake? why I am sooo worried about everything?
sorry dear, really sorry to polluate this forum like this. I definitely gone mad.
I don’t know whether meds will improve your situation further. But if anxiety is a major issue, there are other anti anxiety meds. There is also CBT.
I’m sorry your mom is so negative. It would be nice if she was more positive, but are you asking her over and over again if you can recover? You should stop that, in my opinion, because that is doing you no good and it doesn’t sound like she has the patience for it.
There are two kinds of negative symptoms in sz, primary and secondary. Primary are directly caused by the disease. Secondary are caused by the social isolation, negative thinking patterns, inactivity, etc, and those secondary ones don’t respond to meds but they can to therapy, even the self admimistered kind.
ok, thank you very much for the attention. I have both of the negative symptoms. primary and secondary…
No, I dont ask anymore my mom if I will recover, she just vents sometimes also. She pushes me to go out more often and says that I should take care of her too a bit more cause she has her health issues… it panicks me, I am not capable of taking care of myself sometimes. I just do it when I can. My sister can help us if my mom has health problems but my mom wants attention from me too…
yes, she is tired from me I guess.
I see, I am on klonopin right now too.
This illness can have it’s UPS and downs but instead of pure recovery in one fell swoop, just try working on taking a few risks at a time to challenge your isolation. I can’t preach about recovery cuz I just spent 69 of the last 107 days hospitalized, but even tho I feel down I keep telling myself to be thankful for what faculties I HAVE retained and at least I’m free. I, too, am isolating and being unsociable, but I try to practice mindfulness and living in the now even when I’m doing these things cuz it simply makes me feel better. Try to focus on every positive thing u can and don’t ruminate on whether you’ll be whole in 10 years. Good luck.
anna, it might be a good idea to increase your dose as you said yourself. 10mg is the smallest dose of zyprexa. i know it has bad side effects such as weight gain, as i take it myself. but, a cpn once told me that weight gain on zyprexa is independent of dose, it’s the same whatever dose you take. you used to be on 7.5mg has your weight increased since moving up to 10? i would guess not, i’ve been on 7.5 and 10 at different times, and the weight gain was exactly the same for me. a bigger dose may reduce your paranoia, and if it doesn’t then return to 10. what do you think?
Yeah I know it’s tough. Medications are the first step. Everything follows that. I know it’s an old story but it’s one that works over anything else really. These days the positives aren’t so bad for a lot of people which makes depression and negatives more of a concern. It’s not an easy fix…
I do better than most. I don’t work to keep stress down. I still get breakthroughs but survive well enough. Getting the meds right is the first thing! Learning to live with challenges comes after!