Schizophrenia.com

I've had it pretty rough a couple of years ago

In my early 20’s I was so desperate for attention and love and looking in all the wrong places. I had a good relationship that I ruined because of my hypersexuality, I gave up on a relationship to go on another with a guy that abused me probably because I felt I deserved it I don’t know.

From my 20th birthday to my 27th I was depressed, manic and crazy.

Not counting the psychotic break, I was a mess. Anoretic, starved myself to fit in societies beauty standards. Having sexual encounters that lead to nowhere, having a terrible relationship with my family, abusing drugs and alcohol, squating houses to live, burrying myself in debt, flaky friendships, attempting to commit suicide.

Then I tried to pull my ■■■■ together and ended up working yes, but batshit crazy lol

The funny thing is, I only regret the abusive relationship, I don’t regret the rest. My experiences made me who I am and I like myself now. Even with sza.

It’s part of me and I’m learning how to live with it day by day. I tried giving up but that wasn’t for me, all I can think now is how foolish I was to believe in all the depressive thoughts, and how much more positive life is than I thought it was.

I’m back on track and I’m proud of myself.

16 Likes

So you should be ! I’m proud of you ! :smiley:

1 Like

Thank you ishy :heart:

3 Likes

Coming through this ■■■■ is like running 7 marathons in 7 days across the Sahara. You should be proud of yourself.

1 Like

True :smile: Great leg work :smile:

1 Like

Great story. I have had my fair share of complex problems from getting tossed aside like yesterday’s trash from friends a relationships after I tell them I have sz, relapses, drug and alcohol abuse, but I have always had a solid core friend group and stable family life to fall back on. I’m happy to hear you don’t regret just about any of it, because that is the right mind set. The moment you wish you could go back and change your life is the moment you lose who you are.

1 Like

I once heard this older woman say that the key to living for her was to learn to love herself no matter what. It sounds like you have progressed in that regard. I’m happy for you.

1 Like

Thank you @pharoutphrog and @crimby

:smile_cat:

1 Like

How many years have you been culminating the life you have now? Every day is just more practice towards achieving what you want if you stay on track, you know? :wink:

I’ve been sober for a year and 5 months. When I was hospitalized in the mental ward I decided to turn my life around, I had hit pretty low. So it’s been almost a year and a half only, many more will come. The best decision I ever made was to put myself in the recovery track, not letting having this illness control my life and my ability to be happy and do what I intend to do. In fact, only gave me more strenght. I had the illness, just not the information about it and not the recovery oriented mindset I have now.

2 Likes

Still a year and a half is nothing to squawk at. That’s a good solid chunk of time to be proud of, which you are as stated in the topic post. :slight_smile:

1 Like

I had one slip, I drank a sip of wine in december. But didn’t touch any drugs.

1 Like

Only human. I have been offered drugs since I have gone sober and been very tempted, luckily my brother was almosy always with me to come up with an excuse for me. If it happens and he’s not there I have some excuses built up from what he has said.

1 Like

That’s cool. I’m usually very blunt. “I can’t” :smile: when they ask why I’m usually honest. Most people have been supportive and kind. Some a bit arrogant, others just want me drunk. It’s not all sad, just some situations.

2 Likes

Blunt can be the way to go, if someone is presistent, “It’s just one beer,” or, “It’s just one hit from the bong.” I almost get offended. I’very definitely said something to one of my friends along the lines of, “Hey, moron, I don’t care what you want me to do because this isn’t your life.” He doesn’t much care for me
:sweat_smile:

1 Like

I’m glad you don’t regret any of that stuff. The fact that you went through it all and came out the other side makes you able to relate and help others who are struggling right now.

3 Likes

That’s a good one. I actually haven’t had any trouble saying no to, some people saw me psychotic and are kinda relieved I don’t touch that stuff anymore. Others that didn’t, are understanding. Just some are more like “Oh you don’t drink? But being drunk is the coolest” and that’s just stupid mentality. When I sliped it was because of that, peer pressure. I basically had to stop hanging out with that crowd at night.

Thank you Cj :heart:

Oh my goodness, I just noticed the little reply button on each comment. Peer preasure can really get to you, I have done too much to say I wouldn’t understand… it’s best to just not need or want those people around. That’s why my core friend group is so solid. I have sat down and told them what my head is like and how much worse it is when drugs or excessive alcohol is involved, and they just support me 110%. I would say I am more fortunate than most in a lot of aspects like friends and family and it makes me pretty sad…

1 Like

hey Minnie, we fit on some points with you…
me too, I was desperate to fit in the beauty standards and it made me much worse…me too,i had some bad relationships without knowing to respect myself… now, I am a mess…but at least, I realized I am sick,that probably I need my meds and that there is a lot of hope for us…sorry,i cant be more positive right now,still struggling but yes,i was a mess at my 20s also wow :/…

1 Like