Will anyone listen

… Idk where to start. I’m crying at the moment. I sometimes do. I’ve always been trying hard to see the good side of my current life, or what I’ve got, and not to compare with other people. But I sometimes can’t help but think of the things I wanted so bad but couldn’t get, for instance, a meaningful job or a loving partner. But the more I want them, the harder it gets to have them. So I’m giving them up.

My female social worker is married with kids. She comes over to my apartment once every two weeks just to see how I’m doing. She sometimes irritates me because how could she understand how I really feel, when she has it all?

Two years ago I got rejected by this man I fell in love with, which was really damaging to me. This was the time I felt that I don’t have the ability to get what I want. I tend to fall in love with guys I can’t have. I never feel attracted to guys who ask me out. So I talked myself into believing that I’m better off alone.

I’ve been making an effort to get a job but every time I try I have a relapse.

Idk. I’m starting to feel really negative about those things.

I’ve become the person I hated most when I was younger. Idk where to go from here.

Thank you for listening.

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Maybe it’s time to stop thinking about those things. After a time - go on to something else? Maybe they’ll come back to you.

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you’re not at fault. I am not surprised that you don’t like the men who ask you out, women are not like men, women have filters as to who they want to become involved with romantically and/or sexually, while men sort of shoot anything that they see. With your condition it is harder because you have needs which are special, you have the need to maintain mental health when it is challenged by severe mental illness.

I think you should not compare yourself to others. I don’t even do that when others do it for me. For example, I graduated top of my class because apparently that is a side effect from reading and comprehending and also generating my own science well. I just did my thing and oh it was better than the others, but hey, it was just my best.

I just read 110 pages about human sexuality and am about to chill with a friend, for example, I didnt quite realize that reading half a book in several hours is better than some people’s best.

You do you. I do me. Jesus did Jesus. Gandi did Gandi. Jack Dempsey did Jack Dempsey. John Smith does John Smith. Trump does Trump. Hillary does Hillary. Obama spits fire.

we all do our best, and there is nothing wrong with that.

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Well you sure don’t compare with other people when you’re doing better than them.

But I laughed reading your post.

Thanks.

Im just here to send you a big hug :heart: :revolving_hearts:
You are a loving beautiful woman. Listen to @mortimermouse and @pob they are some smart fellas.

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Hugs from the Great White North.

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With this disease you have to know your limitations. If going back to work lands you in the hospital, then that’s unfortunately one of them and you have to recognise that.

As for not having a loving partner, you said guys ask you out. That’s a good sign.

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Hi bananatto, I would try to “redefine me” and to restore forces much as possible, thats what I would do. From here I just can share my life perspective with you, as a schizophrenic and as a human being. I keep things simple for me, I am inspired by simple living, and I would split both things, relationships and professional success, also because for me health status and social condition subjective to me. If you want a family thats different, maybe you want the best for your children and that nothing is missing. Well there must exist many cultural differences since I am Portuguese. For me to start a family is something it might happen or possibly not, it a personal thing too. I hope you achieve all your dreams, but if you do not for some reason try to do not get overwhelmed by your situation nor schizophrenia. Stay positive, “we can do anything” and like people here already told you, you have people interested which is a good sign. Sometimes an healthy relationship may also constitute a basis to focus on work. Only my view. About work, I read the inspiring news from the British photographer Alice Evans and she said in an interview that she dedicated ten years of isolation to Photography, and in the end she was recognized. So this idea that we need to concentrate all the efforts to achieve goals is possibly true. I would say: I am schizophrenic but I also know that beyond the adversity of the disease I am probably meant to moderate simple living, I wrote moderate because of the facet of a bohemian living in me. I know the joy of a good relationship, the joy of solitude, and vice-versa. Nothing is linear. Lately think: no one know exactly why and what we are doing in this Universe. I hope it helps in some way, and that you are living in a place where you have a good life. Regards.

@pob
@mortimermouse
@Sarad
@shutterbug
@everhopeful
@Dreamy

Thank you all for listening and saying something positive for me. I’m so glad.

I guess I need to know more about myself - how I really feel and what I really want - and to grow as a person. Maybe I’m just suffering from the thought that I can’t be normal, or my own image of being normal. I guess I need to redefine myself as Dreamy said. Without comparing myself to other people nor trying to be “normal” I’ll do what I can do and be proud of it. I’ll try to love myself because I’ve gone through a living hell and still trying to improve my life that takes tremendous perseverance and courage.

This is what I thought after receiving all these kind replies from you guys.

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I hope things can only get better for you from here.

It’s hard, but try not to compare yourself to others.

Your social worker may have a husband and kids and seem like she has it all, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. She probably admires you or something in your life too.

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I feel like a failure but my life may look totally different from another person’s perspective.

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When I was called to interview for doctoral programs, I posted a status on facebook stating that people with MI are all fighters, and that since I am one and was one as a teen, I could say that.

This quote you said is what makes a fighter. Be proud. I may still be in fighting shape and even sparred a bit with people as I have come back into shape, but I am not the strongest fighter on this forum. Fighters are defined by courage and perseverance despite whatever the odds may be. To see failure as a possibility and still step forward is what makes the person have fight.

You totally have fight and my respects.

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