It was pointed out to me that how I feel in social settings is very asocial. I just have zero motivation to engage but I sometimes feel compelled to to spare feelings. I feel like I’m wearing a mask when I talk. I’d rather sit there and not talk. As much as I text, and as much as I crave some connections, I just can’t bring myself to want to engage to get that connection. I don’t understand why people go to parties or talk so much at work or how anyone has more than 2 or 3 friends. I used to wish I could be more popular, but the older I get the more I’d rather take backstage.
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I’ve felt like this for 20 years now. I used to be outgoing. I used to have friends and couldn’t wait seeing them and have fun.
I’m not saying I know what you are going through.
I think you are really struggling right now. I am sorry you are going through a rough period in your life. With health, work and relationships. You deserve to be happy.
How did it go with finding a home?
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I still haven’t found one nor do I have any funds for it. I’ve raised $85 but that’s not gonna get me far. I’m relying on arick selling his arcade machine, which is making me more anxious
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I’ve found myself doing things I never do lately. Recklessly speeding, impulsive spending, and I just impulsively bought a huge bottle of vodka and I hate alcohol but ■■■■ I need some relief.
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I’ve been losing a pound a day because I just have no appetite and food is gross. I dunno if I’m still manic. I pissed off a cop on the road earlier and it made me so happy I couldn’t stop laughing
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Let’s hope he gets good money for it.
The reckless speeding I don’t understand. You could hurt someone or even kill someone. Stop doing it immediately.
Try to eat fruit or something that’s easy to eat and digest.
I understand your situation is rough and you are battling the ups and downs of your illness but you are becoming a danger to yourself and others.
Try to stay grounded. Do you have a therapist you can reach?
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It sounds like you’re judging yourself for who you are. Introvert, extrovert, autistic, non-autistic, schizophrenic, gay, straight, non-binary, transgender, parties, no parties… whatever. Just love yourself and preferably own it. Then the fun starts.
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I’m unsure how calling myself asocial is judging myself? It just is what it is
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Really hope things work out soon for you. May e your just in a rough patch…
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Sometimes I wonder why people talk so much too loooool like some people go on and on
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Literally lol. People say so much without saying much of anything
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Lol for like hours and hour I don’t get it. Only way I can do that is if it’s a philosophical conversation. My neighbours for example just talk and talk all day. I much prefer silence.
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MY biggest pet peeve is when people talk loudly on the phone on the bus lmao like noone wants to hear your stupid conversation 
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Ugh yeah and at work the customers that talk on the phone while ordering. I’m like hello I need to take ur order duh
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Honestly I’m very impressed with how you’re able to work at a starb.s it seems so busy an like over stimulating. I could never but I guess that’s just me, my head would be spinning
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I worked at busy ones for 7 years and it got to be way too much. I now work at a target one in a small town and it’s pretty chill
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Same. I generally enjoy solitude unless my wife or daughter are around. The one friend I enjoyed doing photography with the most is gone and I don’t have the urge to try and replace him. I am going to take my cat camping with me when I do solo runs. Nothing wrong with kitty cuddles.
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i know how that is, when i went on trip where alot of family members are i realized im the least talkative person in my family, kinda sucks as everyone says im quiet, im not that quiet tho but i often have no reason to talk as its not like people come up to me to start convo. not only family tho but in general i dont say much. i dont go places much either. i type so much when excited to the point i feel like ive annoyed people
i want friends, and even moreso a relationship where i feel comfortable to let loose but i feel like im not even human when i try to analyze how people act in comparison to me, maybe i missed out on a crucial learning of social skills.
i think about every social interaction i have even months later when i realize what i should have said that wouldve been better. but often it does no good so i just stop caring about the past
It’s just how I interpret your tone of voice in your writing, but I might misinterpret that. Miscommunication is omnipresent.
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