How do you tackle this?
When you are craving socialising but it’s past midnight where I am.
Even if I did, I honestly don’t know what I’d even speak about.
You ever just need to vent? I’d try to sleep, but sleep anxieties stop me from relaxing. It means I end up chain smoking at night through to morn. This is regular for me, it’s so bad.
I would get back to trying to do some econometrics for my course, but I don’t “feel” like it. I’m procrastinating it at the moment.
I feel guilty for not doing it, because it’s such a good opportunity to get educated and maybe even recover a good level of independence for th future.
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I don’t hangout with any friend but talk to one friend online, he was my friend irl before I got severe negative symptoms. We just talk about technology/video games and computers/cellphones and play Call of Duty together online. Sometimes we talk about news. I know its hard to make friends with sz and negative symptoms, I had lots of friends before, only one remaining and its just online. He’s cool with my sz/negative symptoms, other friends weren’t.
Try to contact your old friends, maybe you can get a friend back even if its just online like me. Are you studying to work? I am still able to study and get another degree but its useless as I can’t even work at cleaning toilets in Mcdonald. Do you play Call of Duty? If you want we can play together, I play with two users from this forum on Discord.
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I speak to family most of the time, I find that helps most but sometimes you get tired of not being a good conversationalist. I have a mild form of autism, so j think that makes it quite difficult for me to be good at thinking up good ways to respond to keep a conversation going. It makes me a proper boring person unless I am super aware of the subject of discussion (eg I’m fine in a economics or physics lecture)
I actually struggle really badly with playing games, I have a cousin who loves to play games on discord as well, I tried to play shogun with him and I could hardly stay seated 
I will get discord but I don’t think Mac runs call of duty? At least I’m not sure if it does. I’m going to check now.
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Cod black ops III is on Mac. Do you have that one? I don’t know if it’s cross platform though.
@anon67051439
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I am the same, I don’t talk unless its about technology, computers, video games and sometimes food restaurents I order from UberEats. I feel like an alien around people functioning in society. I think its because they have emotions and I don’t except for anger. I read that Call of Duty doesn’t normally run on Mac but users on Reddit managed to make it work. You don’t have an Xbox, Playstation or a Windows PC?
I don’t have it and pretty sure its not cross platform. I have latest one Cold War and the previous 2019 one Modern Warfare.
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Also I don’t think there is people playing very old Call of Duty’s. Oh I also have CoD WW2.
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I’ve got a PlayStation, I don’t have PlayStation plus though. I literally cancelled it just recently due to leaving work.
And yeah, it’s definitely a part of thought incoherence as a result of psychosis. I honestly wonder to myself if it is possible for it to get better, people like John Nash and Elyn Sykes seemed to have improved a long time after. So I guess you can be hopeful it might improve?
But yeah. I don’t even talk to people most of the time, I just stick to myself. I’m not chatty anymore. I used to be able to speak about interests, but I don’t have the interest to speak about things I don’t gain from so I just keep quiet in social situations.
I’m a friendly person though. I always try to stay positive and be hopeful and kind and smiley in general. So I’m not unapproachable.
Life’s just weird man. After sz hits.
I do see improvement though. So I hope it improves health wise.
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Yes hopefully, I just had severe negative symptoms since March 2020, I was working before, I was on Latuda. Now on Risperdal. Some users here say negative symptoms improved after a few years so maybe it will get better.
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Yeah, I feel and understand that a lot. When I left the hospital, i thought I was going to be physically disabled because the of the negative symptoms.
I then forced myself to work. And walk. And lift. And it seemed to help me rebuild some ability.
Modafinil and caffeine are my go to. But the anxiety is horrible. I just have to cope with it though.
The care team I had last time said I was making a miraculously strong and good recovery and that being highly resilient and adaptable was doing me a lot of good. I think I have been lucky in that sense, psychologically willpower has always been very important to me.
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Due to low self confidence, I feel separate mentally and emotionally, including on here because of my low self confidence; I find it hard to really have a long chat with anyone really on here, and the low self confidence also means I get triggered easily by what some people say sometimes. Sometimes because of delusions/ideas of reference, other times because I over react, I guess 
, it is not great. Having said all that, somehow, I suppose I am grateful for the forum 
My motivation is also poor well for me it has been like that for years now, even before the diagnosis, but the diagnosis made it worse, in particular the meds.
But I am planning for better times, because I am a samurai soldier 
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I have had low self confidence for a long time, but the psychosis and aftermath of psychosis aggravated it, yea.
You don’t have low self confidence do you Aziz?
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Love the hidden optimism, it really is a fight sometimes.
And I also find myself very grateful for this forum. It is good to be able to network and communicate or support others in the same or similar situation to ourselves.
As for self confidence and esteem. I find mine is being wrecked by online usage. I’ve recently closed a twt account and now only have Facebook messenger to speak to a few family members.
Sometimes you have to take words with a pinch of salt. It might help with reactions?
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I feel that schizophrenia lowered my self confidence especially the negative symptoms. My self confidence was higher when I was working.
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What do you mean, and thanks for trying to help 
having used the term over react, it could also be, in addition, or alternatively, that I misinterpret/misunderstand in someway or another. I just don’t know. But I will find a way to deal with that.
how is that if you don’t mind me asking?
I guess, words are only as good as the characters they come from. So especially on the Internet - you don’t know how someone means what they say. If that makes sense?
As for how it is wrecking my self esteem.
It’s a couple of things.
Blue light exposure messes up my circadian rhythm and creates unnecessary stress levels for starts.
And then comparison culture on apps or forums, where I compare myself to others and feel less able or less accomplished?
I’m sure there’s plenty of other things, like being overly obsessed with materialism eg, shopping apps or Pinterest and so on as well.
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Comparison is difficult. I find it helps to try and reason why I am just as accomplished as anyone, even if it is not in the conventional sense.
still working on it…
and yeah when one feels all the accomplishments of someone else and it is like in your face, it can feel like pressure I find in my current damaged state. I take a temporary step back to give myself space to work on myself. but I remind myself that actually, it is OK because I am also happy for them at the same time.
You are one lucky guy, I saw your selfie picture and you have not seem to have put weight on from the APs
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I am not happy at my presz self who was successful as I can’t be him anymore. I feel like I have 2 personalities, the successful one (b4 sz) and the failure one (now).
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I am so sorry to hear that. That is really really sad.
I really hope things can get better for you Aziz.
You seem to have very serious motivation/ negative symptom problems that I do not even understand becuase mine are not as serious as yours…although when I was on 15mg abilify, it was pure and utter hell…thankfully, I was finally put on a lower dose
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