Its my day off, everyone else is at work and my mom just broke me

DX'd - Other
1

she showed up an hour ago, about a half hour after my GF left for work and my roommate left for his classes. my temp roommate who was kicked out by her ex had also gone to work…

my mom laid into me about wasting my life, not doing anything with myself, and being an embarrassment to the family.

Apparently fighting my way back from perpretual psychosis and depression, going from dependency on the disability to having a fulfilling career making THREE GODDAMN TIMES WHAT SHE DOES!!! is doing nothing with my life.

But now she has at least come out and said what I long suspected. my SZ is an embarrassment to her. Now that I have it she must figure I wont be able to provide for her when she gets old, even though I already pay the most expensive of her bills…

I’m wasting my life because instead of focusing on ‘curing your illness’ I am spending time dating ‘a tramp with some damn ching chong name’ and having ‘orgies with your other defective f*ccbuddies’…

I now know how much value I have in my mother’s eyes, I am only as valuable to her as my public image, and now that I am openly Schizophrenic in the community, I have no public image…

She just left about ten minutes ago now, and I admit it, ive been sobbing since she left, though I didn’t start to cry until she was out of the driveway. My dogs are trying to make me feel better, but it isn’t nearly as effective as usual…my Pdocs office isn’t today because of staff meetings…and if I call the hotline again they will call the cops and have them come pick me up, and I WILL NOT got to the hospital again…besides I have an appointment with my Casemanager today, and I cant afford to miss it next week is the deadline to get my paperwork in for a scholarship program so I can go to school for landscap design and business management, so that I can get a 30% raise and a promotion to District Supervisor.

I guess on some level I felt she still loved me, but I guess I was very wrong. It hurts so much, and I have no one to talk to right now…im not gonna hurt myself, I know better than that, but I think that after my appointment I’m going to crawl into bed and spend my weekend there…I installed a doggy door to the fenced in backyard so the dogs wont be trapped inside or anything…I think a few days of actually doing nothing would be good for me, if I try to overcome it with activity or something it will turn into anger and hatred, and I really really reallyl really really really really really don’t want to hate my mom…

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It seems like it is when you’re doing better that you trigger vituperation from your caretakers. It’s probably some kind of regressive thing, an unconcious desire to return to a dependent relationship. Tactfully let your mom know you are getting better, and she has little to worry about. Hopefully, she will adjust.

3

That sounds horrible. What your mother said was all untrue by the sounds of things. If it’s any consolation my family has completely screwed me over in the past. Things are being rebuilt now, but…

4

I haven’t talked to my mom in a week, because she screamed at me about my little brother losing his GF after she caught him cheating on her with her little sister…

my family doesn’t just treat me as a black sheep, they treat me like a scapegoat too.

All of their problems are my fault, even if I had nothing to do with them. Like my brother being a pot head…I smoked pot ONCE and didn’t like, my brother started smoking pot after my stepdad did, and yet my mom says I was abad example an that’s why he smokes it.

my other brother is now in trouble with the law because he got drunk and told an off duty cop about his big scam of faking his autism and sht to get government benefits, my moms says if I hadn’t given him the idea of living on benefit by ‘leeching off the system for so long’ he wouldn’t have done

He was on assistance when he was 13, I didn’t get on SSDI until I was 23!!!

5

Family has a way of getting especially on our nerves. Your family doesn’t sound supportive at all, get a new one! If only it was that easy…

I’m sorry your mom blames you and treats you like that, but you know what, you don’t owe them anything.

Live your life to the fullest!

6

thanks, I know I shoulnt be so hurt by this, since they’ve always been like this

But to have my mom actually say it, with words not semisubtle hints and actions, I just couldn’t handle it.

I will have to tell my Pdoc when I see her in two weeks, but if I call her on Monday it will lead to another trip to the psych ward as a ‘precaution’ and I cant do tat since I have to be on site for my job all next week. We are doing an overnight project for the state, because they don’t want to have us working on the property during theday because it would look ‘messy’

I wish my gramps was still alive, I could have really used his support these last 6 years…

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This book helped me a lot toxic parents you can buy it on amazon the fact is our parents are damaged and all we have to do is break the cycle and we have won
It’s a good book.

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