I sometimes think that movies like “Inception” and “The Matrix”, among others, are more real than we think. I’m seeing and hearing things that strain my credulity - things on the radio and tv - things that really aren’t possible unless there is some kind of giant conspiracy behind them, which is even less likely. I keep hoping I am in suspended animation, or a dreamlike state, and I will wake up.
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What kind of things do you see on the tv? That’s one of the questions my psychiatrist asks me, something along the lines of ‘do you think the tv has special messages for you’. I always truthfully answer ‘no’.
This isn’t on public media, but it would have to be part of a conspiracy. When I was in Tennessee almost twenty years ago, it seemed like all the people there knew who I was and were intensely involved in my life, people who couldn’t have had the means to know about me, like some bum at the soup kitchen downtown. I think the only way these people could have known anything about me was if they had cameras hidden in street lights, or maybe on satellites, that gave a video feed to people’s tv’s or computers. Even then a bum couldn’t know about me because he wouldn’t have a tv or computer. Going back to the way my life is now - it seems like people are very aware of my actions, like I might inadvertently do something rude or hurtful to a person in public, and people in a town forty miles away will be mad about it. It seems like people way beyond the range of who you would think would be rightfully be aware of me are intensely involved in my life. It makes me really, really angry. When I was in our group van I heard a couple of dj’s talking about how “the only way out was suicide”. I started broadcasting the thought, “I might decide to kill you.” It does seem like I get comments like this from time to time on public media, but mostly it is people way beyond the range of what I would think is right to know of me are intensely involved in my life. It makes me really, really angry.
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I think that’s called ‘delusions of reference’, and I had them in the past too.
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@crimby dude you sound very delusional, can you get to your pdoc and tell him these thoughts? you need to up your meds…are you still off the booze?
Please talk to your pdoc @crimby about what you’re feeling. You’re not sounding alright at all.
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It might be your symptoms acting up.
I know, and having this illness can make it seem like a person is at the center of some even microcosmic situation. But, if you really think about it, given the number of people in any jurisdiction, it would be virtually impossible to pull off.
Yes, I’m still off the booze. I’ll talk to my pdoc when I get a chance.
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I’ll talk to my pdoc when I get the chance, but he won’t be available for a couple of weeks.
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Can you go to the ER in the meantime? Maybe a doc there will up your dose or add something.
I don’t think they would let me even if I wanted to. They’re reluctant to commit people in Oklahoma these days.
I had the ‘delusions of reference’ in spades, which lead to ‘delusions of persecution’.
I think this is what you are experiencing, @crimby…Time to see your psychiatrist right away. Don’t wait until you spiral completely down the rabbit hole again.
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My psychiatrist won’t be available for a couple of weeks, and I really doubt if they would be willing to commit me. They’re stingy with hospital beds these days.
My not commit but a med adjustment?
Perhaps. I’ve been on Geodon and Seroquel a long time. I got my pdoc to double my dose of Wellbutrine, and that could be the culprit.
I just got on wellbutrin. I like it but I’m only on 100 mg too. Hope you figure out why you are unstable @crimby
Alright, promise me you won’t let this spiral out of control.
I promise. I got it under control.
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