Ummm so since my last post things evened out for a while…but the last 2 nights have been hell. I’ve not left the house since my initial trip to the village, and last night i was prowling around the house trying to trick my would be assassins(to which i only alerted them that i was onto them). I fear they may have taken one of the keys from my keyring. I could have swore i had more than 4…And when i checked the balcony door this morning my fears were realised as it had been unlocked somehow. I had locked it and checked it sever times over the course of last night.
When i peeked out the slit in the window i heard them run from the other window knocking into the railings outside. And I heard them in the stairwell outside my house coughing. While i was lying in bed with my knife trying to get the jump on them i kept hearing them call out to one another, I don’t think they knew i could hear them, they were saying when i was awake and even when i had my one eye closed towards the window.I barely slept last night i dozed off around 4am i think. I suspect they may have camera’s somewhere in the house, or perhaps some sort of programme on my laptop to see what im doing right now, i know this is risky even typing this, but i need advice. I was going to call the police last night but wasn’t sure they would get here in time to catch them.That reminds me, while they were using a drill on low power to open my balcony door, They would shout to each other when to start and stop(They would continualy bang the railings on the outside of my flat to draw attention from the noise)
They knew when i tried to act casual and get a bannana from the kitchen “She just went and got a ■■■■■■■ bannana” I sit on my couch right now with all my curtains and doors open so i can see them if they try prowl the outskirts of my house tonight, the dog is next to me and so is my only form of defence my knife.
I am aware that i have been off my medication for around 4 months, but i was fine for all of them its just been these last 2-3 weeks that things have started going down hill. And i know it could all be symptoms but what if their not. I’m going to stay awake tonight untill around 7am when my cousin returns home. I have taken the last of my nitrazepam in an attempt to try and calm my self down(but without dulling my senses)
You sound paranoid, and symptomatic.What you say is not grounded in reality. It does not sound likely that people or "assassins’ are after you or that anyone is after you.Yes, you may have really heard people shouting and coughing. Maybe. But neighbors make noise and it probably has nothing to do with you. You may just be paranoid and misinterpreting the normal noises that people make. It’s doubtful that anyone is deliberately.concentrating or focusing on you or anyone else near you.
If you live in a bad neighborhood it’s almost normal to have a little paranoia. But even if you live in a bad neighborhood it’s doubtful that anyone is picking you out to personally bother. Some of what you say is textbook symptoms of paranoia and schizophrenia. I am alluding to your claim of cameras and programs on your computer and people drilling out your sliding glass door.
Can you see that you might be relapsing? Because what your describing to us sounds like a relapse.Yes, there is most likely a correlation between going off your meds and the events of the last two weeks in your life.That’s the form a relapse takes. You feel fine when you first go off of your meds bit then you start going downhill. That describes a relapse. Jayster is right. You need to get help and listen to your doctor.
The knife worries me. If you use that knife on someone it will be the biggest mistake of your life. Being schizophrenic does not put us above the law. If you use that knife in error you could go to prison for a long time. Can you imagine being in a tiny cell for ten years and feeling as bad as you do now? Schizophrenics do not do good in prison . They are fair game and easy prey for violent and sexual predators. People in prison will not treat you special. Your fair game. This is reality. So leave the knife alone.
You may have to face the fact that you are relapsing and that you may need meds. Hey it happens. You tried life without meds and it worked for 4 months. But it’s not working anymore and now you need them. It’s unfair and too bad but that’s reality too. Get help, talk this out with your family or a doctor or therapist. Good luck.
Thank you all for the advice. I underestimated my tollerance for the i and slept through the night like i a baby im awake now the time is 05:16. I have boviously made it through the night and my cousin will be home in a few hours. I will make an appointment at the doctors, thank you all x