I remember before I had it, I browsed a schizophrenia forum and thought “damn, I wonder what that’s like”, completely certain that I would never have it myself.
Well, now I know how it is to have it. And it feels a bit unreal that I actually have it now.
I feel that way sometimes.
That’s funny. That’s exactly what I thought. That it would never happen to me. But here we are 
I was not happy about it in the beginning, not that I’m happy now, but I didn’t accept it.
Now I’m thinking people are struggling with all kinds of diseases and conditions. You hear about people who have cancer, or needed to amputate a leg, or are in wheelchairs. Life is hard. I don’t think many people go through life without having to deal with difficult stuff at some point.
I didn’t know what to think of it when my doctor told me I had it. Didn’t know what the hell that was.
I was in the hospital. He made a big deal about it. Set up a meeting with my wife. There were three doctors in the room and a physician assistant.
He said your diagnosis is chronic paranoid schizophrenia. He was an Atmy doctor. The head of psychiatry. Then a female civilian doc said if you don’t like that we can change it to PTSD.
I didn’t say anything. Had no idea what schizophrenia was.
That night he let me take the DSM 4 to my room for an hour and read about it. I was like I don’t have that.
That was before I hallucinated. Took me 7 years to figure out he was right.
In the beginning I didn’t even know I had schizophrenia, they just told me I had psychosis and I actually went a long time not knowing it was related to schizophrenia. It was when I got officially diagnosed it dawned on me that I actually had it.
I don’t think doctors know exactly what I have. I think the current diagnosis is unspecified psychosis. It used to be scizoprenicsimilar disease.
It doesen’t really matter. I have to take antipsychotics, that’s the bottom line. Still haven’t given up hope to get off them at some point. Or at least get away from the zyprexa.
I am friends with him on Linked in. Never worked up the nerve to talk to him. I fought that guy for years. Begged him to take me off meds every time I saw him. Had to see him every Friday.
I remember telling my first psychiatrist that I couldn’t possibly have schizophrenia because I wasn’t violent and didn’t want to hurt anyone.
Strange days indeed…
Everyday is Halloween 
42 years later I still get that feeling occasionally.
That’s really sad because a lot of people have that wrong impression/belief. Self-harm is much more likely than harming another person.
I’ve accepted it at this point.
I remember my initial reaction. The doctor told me I had Schizophrenia and I rhought “Well isn’t that just great”, lol
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